The Sound of Pulling Heaven Down
by Abfabany
Summary: Bella is sent to Forks, Washington to live with her father after an event that worries everyone in her family. There she meets Edward, the one person who could possibly understand her. Will their bond save Bella from Alice's vision? AU, Cannon-couples.
1. Prologue

A/N: This is my first fanfiction on this site so I hope you like it! I would like to think my beta Not Dead Yet for helping me with this chapter! Enjoy!

"Bella!" My mother's voice yelled, seemingly from a distance. "Oh no, Bella! Phil, call an ambulance no! Bella! Bella, honey, stay with me."

_Ugh, she wasn't supposed to find me, now I'm in trouble._

I faintly heard the sound of Phil angry voice screaming into the phone at the operator for an ambulance. I could even feel my mothers cool tears drip against my arms as I drifted deeper into unconsciousness.

The pain subsided as I dreamt of what my life should have been. In an ideal world my parents would still be married to each other, my mother would be an actual parent to me, I would have friends, and I would also play sports like normal kids. I wouldn't be in this darkness all the time. I wouldn't simply exist but not really do anything. I would be happy and really _live_ for the first time in my life.

For the past year and a half, I was in a constant state of depression without any particular reason. I felt guilty for being in utter despair and hopelessness without some kind of excuse, like a death of a loved one or some type of abuse. I just couldn't shake off the feelings of maddening loneliness that had been building up for a long time. I was tired of being a mother to my own mother. I loved Renee, but she still acted like a teenager with her forgetfulness and foolhardy ideas. I guess that's why she married Phil, a man eleven years younger than her – so she would have someone to keep up with her. I definitely couldn't especially not now.

To make matters worse, I never felt totally comfortable with people my own age either. I didn't care for the small things they found so important, and I never had the energy to attempt to care. I preferred reading and solitude to the raunchy gossip and fake enthusiasm. I couldn't figure out why I was the way I was and hated myself for it.

It took my mother a whole year to figure out that something was wrong with me. Granted, I did put up a good act. At least until I couldn't, that is. I kept on with my daily responsibilities, I smiled as needed, and kept conversations going. I didn't want anyone to know how much I was hurting inside and how hard it was to just get up everyday. I began to feel empty and craved to be alone.

Then Renee started to notice how I went out less and spoke less about things that used to interest me: like books, friends, and music. It took too much energy to keep up with my interests and suppress the anguish I couldn't show to anyone. In an attempt to get through to me, Renee eventually forced me to see a doctor who prescribed me an antidepressant without even stopping to catch a breath.

Obviously, the medicine wasn't working. If it were, I wouldn't be laying in my mother's arms, waiting for the ambulance. I wouldn't still feel numb to anything but the darkness that surrounded me. I cut myself for months, trying to feel again, but the pain only lasted so long before the numbness came through again. I needed to feel. No one saw the multiple cuts under the long-sleeved shirts I wore, even in the blistering heat of Phoenix. No one saw me at all really. Not the real me anyway. Only 'the me' I wanted them to see, content and conformed Bella, not depressed and lonely Bella.

"Bella, please wake up." My mother sobbed. I opened my eyes to stare at the white ceiling of the hospital. My mother sat at my side, truly seeing me for the first time. My only fear was if she would care about what she was looking at.

A/N: So there is the prologue. I wanted to update it and get it through my new beta so if you get alerted to this -- sorry. Please bear with me as I go through these edits in the next couple of chapters as well.

Stay tuned for the next chapter

Ab


	2. Chapter 1: Charlie Cares

A/N: Here's another chapter! Thanks Not Dead Yet for editing! Enjoy!

Okay, in retrospect bashing my head into the vanity mirror wasn't a good idea. I had stood there just staring at myself for such a long time, my face seemed to blur and I didn't know who I was anymore, not that I had ever known. I needed one moment of feeling, mission accomplished, the pain was very real.

But it also made Renee feel emotion too: worry, anger, uselessness. I didn't want my mother to feel any of these things yet my actions caused them all. Now she was letting me, well more like forcing me, to go to Forks to live with my father in hopes he could actually provide some parental support. I'm sure him being the chief of police up there had its advantages in her mind too.

_After The Flight_

I stood in the Port Angeles airport waiting for Charlie to pick me up. He had already called to say he had gotten lost but would be here soon. Just like me, Charlie was never able to follow directions easily. I stared out the window and saw with dread the gloomy overcast sky.

_Great, now the weather can fully match my mood. No need to beg God for some sympathy here. _Sighing, I sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs lined against the wall.

Funny that it took my mom seventeen years of me taking care of her to realize she couldn't be the mother I needed. I loved Renee whole heartedly and definitely did not want to move to the smallest and rainiest place in the continental U.S., but I also felt relieved that I would not have the burden of being her parent in addition to my own problems. She had Phil now and he will be more than capable to take care of her. Her goodbye was very tearful, pulling at my heartstrings all the while. Still, I couldn't help but have some hope that this was a new beginning for myself.

_Yeah, right._

Charlie was very quiet on the drive from the Port Angeles airport to Forks. Like me, he didn't like to talk much, especially in awkward situations like this one. What do you say to your seemingly suicidal daughter whom you haven't seen in over a year? No, I don't blame him for not talking much.

As we pulled up to Charlie's – scratch that – _our_ house, I noticed a red truck parked in front. Surprised I asked, "Did you get a truck?"

Charlie coughed lightly and looked down as he shifted the car into park and unbuckled his seatbelt. "Yeah, well, I thought you could use a vehicle while you're here. I figured you wouldn't want to be driven around in a police car."

_Wow. Unexpected. _"You bought me a truck? Char- Dad, you didn't need to do that. I've been saving up for one. At least let me pay you back for it."

"Just save that money for college and don't worry about the truck. I've been saving up too."

Frowning, I got out of the cruiser and went to check out the red truck. Even though I didn't like the idea of Charlie getting me such a large gift, I was excited about having my own wheels.

It only took one trip for Charlie and me to bring my bags up to my room. It was the same room I stayed in every summer I visited Charlie, complete with a full-size bed, a rocking chair, a desk, and all the crafts I made for him when I was younger. There were three new additions to the room: a phone that looked like it used to be white sitting by the bed, a new purple comforter and bed set, and a computer that looked about ten years old placed on the desk. I fought the tears back as I looked at the additions that showed Charlie's love for me more than he could say.

"Bells," Charlie yelled from downstairs, "I'm gonna order a pizza, pepperoni okay?"

"Sure Dad!"

Charlie really couldn't cook. He tried once when I was eleven and staying with him for the summer. Who could mess up macaroni?? Charlie, apparently.

Suddenly, I had an idea. "Hey Dad," I said, coming down the stairs slowly as to not trip, "Why don't I repay you for the truck by cooking for you while I'm here?"

"Bells, you don't have to repay me. You don't have to cook," Charlie said as he tried to keep down a smile while looking down.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about it. I cooked for me and mom all the time. I'm totally used to it and I actually enjoy it."

"Well, if you like."

"I do." I murmured as he turned back to his game he was watching on the couch.

Waiting for the pizza to arrive, I went back upstairs and began to make a grocery list for the things I knew Charlie would not have. Tomorrow, I was going grocery shopping. Having a plan and purpose for the next day was a great distraction from my pain and helped keep back the inevitable tears until Charlie and I finished eating and I began to unpack my clothes. Sadly, unpacking was not a big enough distraction to keep the tears from falling.

**A/N: So what do you think? Review please! I swear it's gonna pick up soon. Of course, I need to introduce characters and setting, so that will take a few chapters. This won't follow the original Twilight form very closely though. Next up, Bella makes a trip to the grocery store and runs into.... well, you'll just have to find out.**

**Again, I apologize to my few subscribers who will recieve emails on these updates. Thanks for sticking with me.**

**AB**


	3. Chapter 2: Distraction 1

**Disclaimer: S.M. owns all Twilight characters and settings.  
**

**A/N: Thanks to my awesome beta Not Dead Yet. Again, I apologize for the edits, but they were necessary for my own sanity. I believe this will be the last time I bug my subscribers with edited chapter emails. The next chapter is on its way.**

Chapter Two: Distraction 1

Alice's POV

…..

"_It was very nice meeting you." The strange girl smiled curiously and walked away with her grocery cart._

I gasped as the vision ended. This girl was going to be important to my family. I didn't know how, but sometimes the vision comes with feelings of familiarity and I knew she was definitely in our future.

"Esme! Esme! You need to go to the grocery store today!" I yelled unnecessarily as I ran out to the garden where Esme was planting daffodils in the new flowerbed and hugged her fiercely.

"Honey, there is no need to shout. Calm down," Esme softly said. "Wait, grocery shopping? Why would I need to do that? Did you have a vision?"

"Yes. You're going to meet a girl there that will be somehow important to our family's future. Don't ask me how, I do not know. But you need to go now! Plus, you need to get a few things to keep up the human pretense. Two birds with one stone! Isn't that great?!" I spoke with a speed no human could hear and practically shoved Esme out of the door.

Looking down at her gardening clothes, I cringed. "Oh no, you _have_ to change before you go. Go put on that outfit I bought you yesterday as fast as you can and then hurry to the store. Go, go, go!"

Esme chuckled as she quickly followed my directions and backed her car out of the driveway quickly but carefully. She, like the rest of my family, was used to my impromptu visions and demands. Of course, Esme always yielded easily to my demands as she would do just about anything to make her daughter happy. The rest of them liked to grumble about it for a while before they followed my directions. I checked again to make sure she would reach the girl in time. Satisfied, I danced upstairs to the computer to buy a new dress for Esme. She deserved it.

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Bella's POV

In trying to escape my depression, I was always looking for distractions from the pain. It was easier to deal with my feelings by not dealing with them at all, really. I'm sure any therapist would disagree but I didn't care. I needed my sanity and the only way to grasp some semblance of it was to distract myself from myself.

Today was my first full day in my new life at Forks and I had already picked out my first distraction: grocery shopping. I woke up with a goal in my head and it led my actions as I got ready for the day. I had already made out my shopping list last night and was looking forward to creating dishes for Charlie to enjoy.

Charlie had left around 11 o'clock this morning to conduct traffic by the Forks Christian Church. Apparently, it got hectic when the majority of the town congregated at the only local Sunday event and people tended to get a little impatient with each other at the end of services. Last night at dinner, Charlie told me that there was almost an accident about a month ago when Mr. Stanley sped out of the church driveway after services and nearly hit seventy-year-old Mr. Brown who was walking to his car with his car with his nurse!

Ever since then, Charlie took it upon himself to direct the traffic at the church and make sure no one got too anxious to exit the church premises. I nearly choked on my water when Charlie murmured, "It seems God punishes those who run from him."

I smiled as I thought about that conversation and hopped into my truck. Forks only has one grocery store – Thriftaway. Why couldn't this town have a Wal-Mart like normal towns? Sighing, I parked my truck far from any other car on the lot. No need for my indestructible truck to make scrap-metal of the fragile cars in this parking lot.

Stepping out of the truck, I saw that I took up two parking spaces. _I really need to learn how to park this bus. _I sighed with disappointment. _Okay, Bella. It is just a bad parking job, not the end of the world. Perk up. _I picked up my sagging shoulders and headed into the Thriftway with forced confidence.

Florescent lights shined upon the heads of stressed mothers shopping with their rambunctious children. It wasn't very crowded for a Sunday afternoon. I grabbed a cart and headed to the fresh food aisles. Charlie really needs to learn what a vegetable is. His blood had to be turning into butter by now with all the fast food he eats. I took my time picking out healthy options for Charlie and I. I even picked up some _fake _sausage, you know, the kind made out of soybeans. I planned on giving Charlie the sausage without telling him it wasn't really meat and seeing his reaction. I was sure he wouldn't taste a difference.

My cart was full to the brim by the time I reached the check-out counter. My cashier was a bouncy young woman, probably in her late twenties, with equally bouncy blonde hair and a name-tag that said _Amber_.

"Hello! Did you find everything okay?" She smiled showing off her bright pink braces.

I mumbled a polite "Yes, thank you" and quickly turned my head to stare at the celebrity magazines in hopes she wouldn't keep talking to me. _Oh look, Britney Spears is in rehab, again._

Apparently oblivious to my poor attempts to ignore her, she exclaimed, "Are you new here? I know almost all the customers that come in here and I haven't seen you before. You must be new. I love when we get new people! It makes life so much more interesting in a small town. Are you liking it here, Hun? Where you from?" The sound of items being scanned rang rhythmically with her words.

_That is talent. How does she keep scanning items and keep her mouth moving 90 miles an hour?_ Realizing I was staring and not giving her an answer I quickly said, "Yeah. I'm from Phoenix. I just moved here with my dad. I like it. It's quiet."

"Yeah, I love the quiet!" I scoffed in my head. _There is no way she is ever quiet_. "There's no way I'd ever be able to live in the city! Too much noise and weird people! Well, your total is going to be $173.22."

Glad our interaction was coming to a close, I opened my purse and searched for Charlie's debit card he gave me last night. _Ugh, where is it? Where is it??_

"One second, I know it's here somewhere." I smiled weakly at the already slightly annoyed cashier and to the nice looking lady who was in line behind me.

I took everything out of purse, inspecting every pocket but the debit card wasn't here. _Think Bella, where did you leave it? Charlie left it on the kitchen table and then you picked it up and reminded yourself to put in your purse and then… you put it back on the table while you did the dishes. Nice. Great job. Perfection._

The blood rushed to my head so quickly I was sure that it had turned purple. Embarrassed, I looked down at the floor and stuttered, "I'm sorry. I- I, uh, I left accidently left my debit card at my house. I'll have to come back later to pay for these items. Could you just set them to the side and I'll be back in about 10 minutes? I don't live far."

The sound of my pulse beat in my ear as I waited for her reaction. Hearing nothing, I looked up to see the woman giving me a death glare, her eyes filled with annoyance and anger.

"I guess that's what I will _have to_ do, if you _can't_ pay. But you should realize that this will hold up…"

"Excuse me." The nice lady behind me interrupted politely. I stared. She was beautiful. Her wavy carmel hair, pale skin, and thinly curved body made her look like she stepped out of a lost era. "I couldn't help overhearing. You're Chief Swan's daughter, right? I saw him last week at the charity event at the police station and he mentioned his daughter was coming to live with him."

"Ye- Yes, that's me." I stuttered embarrassed. I wanted nothing more than to run out of that store as fast as I could.

"Well, I know Charlie pretty well and I actually owe him a favor for helping out my son with a speeding ticket, so please, allow me to get your purchases for you."

My jaw dropped and I quickly shook my head. "No, no. It's too much. All I need to do is go home and…"

"Dear, you can pay me back. It just seems a waste for you to run home and let these cold groceries thaw." Seeing I was about to object again, she stepped closer to me and handed the cashier her shiny platinum card. "Not another word about it. You can come by after school tomorrow and pay me back, if you like. My name is Esme Cullen, by the way."

Dumbfounded and embarrassed, I looked to the floor and said quietly, "Thank you Mrs. Cullen. I will come by tomorrow." I rushed to the end of the aisle to help the disgruntled cashier load my bags into the cart.

"Please, call me Esme." The beautiful woman said warmly with a smile. "Your father knows where I live so he can give you directions, I'm sure. I'll see you then! And you'll meet my children at school. I'll make sure they introduce themselves to you."

My cart ready to go, I turned to the strange, beautiful woman and again gave her my thanks and said goodbye. "It was very nice meeting you," I said shyly as I walked to my car at a quick pace and prayed no one else saw the awkward interaction that just occurred.

**A/N: Hoped you liked it! I'm almost done with the next chapter. I think. lol**

**If you think this story sucks, please let me know. I've only gotten about 4 reviews so I'm not sure if people actually like it. **

**AB**


	4. Chapter 3: Ugly Side

Chapter Three: Ugly Side

A/N: Thanks to my awesome beta, not dead yet.

I only want you to see

My favorite part of me

And not my ugly side

And not my ugly side, ugly side

_Ugly Side,_ Blue October

The rusty truck puttered loudly as I attempted to find a spot large enough in the Forks High School parking lot, only to release a large backfire as I slid the gear into park.

_Nice… Now everyone knows you're here._

Sure enough, all eyes were focused in my direction as I slowly walked to the main office. A slow and steady walk was the key when walking under observation as I have noticed I am more prone to clumsy moments if I am being watched. Fortunately, I reached the main office unscathed.

The classes before lunch seemed to go by extremely slowly. It was like a nightmare that was playing over and over again. My own personal hell filled with unwanted attention.

People stared, I keep my head down as I introduce myself, people stared, I receive the syllabus and books required for the class, and people stared.

Do these people have nothing better to do than stare at the new girl? A few brave souls even attempted to talk to me. Two boys in particular, Eric and Mike were their names, already asked me to sit at their table for lunch and waited after class to escort me to the cafeteria.

Mike and Eric's table seemed to be the table of choice for this school. I should have felt lucky or just appreciated it, but I knew that these people would only keep me around for the dirt they believed I had hidden away. With a mother that left the respectable Chief taking away their only daughter, it was assumed I lived a life of adventure and mischief. If only they knew how far off from the truth they were.

"Hi Bella! I'm Jessica. We have English together?" The blonde girl in front of me said enthusiastically.

"Yeah. We do." How exactly was I supposed to answer that? Jessica's face simply scrunched up in frustration to my answer. _I am so awkward. They are about to realize just how idiotic I truly am._

"So you like came from Phoenix right? Aren't people in Arizona like really tan?"

"Yeah, well my mother kept me locked up in the basement." Everyone at the table stared at me with wide eyes and open mouths. _Woah, can't anyone here take a joke? Maybe I'm just not funny… I should just shut up._

"Just kidding." I murmured, looking down at the table.

Jessica leaned over to the girl with short brown hair sitting next to her (I think she told me her name was Lauren) whispering something I'm sure I never wanted to hear. Mike laughed heartily at my pitiful joke as though it was the best he had ever heard.

"So, Bella," Angela, the soft spoken brunette, said in an obvious effort to change the subject, "Are the classes here really different from Phoenix?"

She seemed really genuine and I reconsidered my initial assumption that I wouldn't find a friend at this table.

I opened my mouth, ready to give Angela an answer, but was quickly distracted by the crowd now entering the cafeteria behind Angela's head. They had to be the five most beautiful people in the world.

Leading the group was a supermodel blonde with her arm securely around the waist of a muscular man who looked too old for high school. Seriously, this guy looked like he could easily take on a bear. They were followed closely by an equally handsome blonde who was carrying two trays, one presumably for the small girl with spiky, black hair whose arm was linked with his.

The copper haired angel who followed them was by far the most beautiful. My heart pounded as I took in his melancholy disposition and I yearned to reach out and comfort him._Woah, did I just call him an angel? Calm down, Bella._

Shaking my head, I got up from my seat to throw away the remnants of my lunch. Of course, clumsy Bella had to rear her ugly head as I tripped on the level ground and fell face forward to the ground in front of the beautiful beings.

But I never reached the ground. I was suspended, caught gracefully by the copper haired angel. My heart raced and I looked into his face in awe. The angel looked down at me with eyes of coals and a deathly scowl.

"You should be more careful." The angel growled.

And then, as quickly as it happened, the angel placed me in standing position and abruptly turned and left the cafeteria.

I barely registered the low murmur of onlookers as I stood in shock, staring at the door he escaped through. _Huh?_

"What the hell did youdo?" I broke out of my shock as the blonde supermodel turned on her heels to follow the angel.

I looked at the rest of the group only to see the same shock I felt. The pixie girl offered me a sympathetic smile as she ushered the rest of the group towards to the door.

I felt the eyes of the entire student body as I rushed to the ladies room for my own escape. I closed the stall door and fell to the floor clutching my chest as it contracted and pulsated with pressure. My eyes closed and I tried to count the seconds until the pain passed, but the image of his black eyes would not leave my mind.

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I didn't make it to biology or gym class that day. Instead, I spent those two hours on the floor of the ladies room in an attempt to regain control of the pain that radiated through my chest and extended to my back. At the sound of the bell signaling the end of the day, I slowly made my way to my truck and headed home in tears.

This wasn't the first time I had an attack like this. It happened once when my mom starting dating Phil and I realized I would lose her to him. Then it happened again a couple months later at the park near my house in Phoenix.

I saw a girl around the age of five crouching low on the ground by the slides and crying for her mother who she could not see. Hearing her cry, the mother left her group of friends searching the small park for her daughter. I simply sat there and stared at the dramatic scene in front of me.

I knew they would find one another, but the little girl's panic, despair, and desperation pulled at my heart as I realized just how much I related to her. Like the little girl, I felt alone, lost from the presence I was supposed to be with.

I wasn't sure what this presence was exactly, but I felt like it was a part of myself. It was the part of me that held my confidence and determination to keep living in this life. It was the missing key to my existence.

Just like then, the pain was too much to handle. I needed a release, a break from the pain huddled in my chest. I pulled up to Charlie's house and ran up to my bathroom. Lucky for me, Charlie was still at work.

I searched for what I needed in my vanity bag. They lay at the bottom of the bag, as though they were hiding from me. I stared at the metal gleaming in the light as I stood there contemplating my next action.

The pressure in my chest pulsated with my indecision, begging me for release. I brought the scissors to my arm and put a small amount of pressure on it. Start off slow and build up, that was my strategy.

Adrenaline vibrated through my body as I increased the pressure on the scissors. When I felt the blood liberate itself from its container, I slowed. I stood there staring as the blood trickled down my arm until my body decided I had enough and clotted the wound. Breaking out of my trance, I tore a long stretch of toilet paper and wrapped it around my self-mutilated arm.

I lay on the cold tile floor, taking comfort in its coolness against my overheated face and body. The pressure in my chest subsided as I took in each slow breath.

The sound of Charlie coming in the house gave me the incentive to get up and go to my room. I changed into a long sleeved t-shirt to hide my scars – it would be easy to cover them with the weather in Forks, much easier than Phoenix – and headed downstairs to start making dinner for Charlie.

Making dinner for Charlie gave me a purpose for the night, a purpose to keep on living for the night. Not that I would kill myself, but that myself would kill me… if that makes any sense.

"Dad, the spaghetti and garlic bread is ready," I yelled to my dad in the living room thirty minutes later. We ate together in relative silence, each of us reflecting on our day.

_Why the hell did one guy make me go crazy like that? I must have some serious issues. Maybe I should get on medication… but how could I do that without Charlie finding out and then worrying?_

"Bells, how was school? Did you make any friends?" Charlie asked, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, I met some nice people. We sat together at lunch," I put on a small smile. _And then I fell in front of an angel who was so repulsed by me he fled the room. Awesome!_

"That's good. Did you stop by the Cullen's house after school to pay back Esme?"

My eyes flew open at that. _Oh. My. God. I am a terrible person! Esme probably thinks I am the worst human on this planet. Who forgets to pay back someone so kind? She must hate me. I do._

"Um. Whoops?"

"Oh, Bella…" He gave me a disapproving shake of his head. "Well, you'll just have to do that tomorrow and apologize."

"Yes, sir." With that, our short conversation was effectively over and I began to clear the table. My thoughts swirled around my head as I cleaned the dishes and then got ready for bed.

_Can it get any worse for me? Ugh! Ok, Bella, really… There are much worse things going on in the world this very second. Pull yourself together, it isn't that bad._

I couldn't stop the internal debate going through my head the entire night, hindering any possibility for adequate sleep. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that things weren't as bad as I was feeling them to be, I couldn't shake it off.

I was scared of the person I was becoming and I feared what she would do next.

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A/N: I know it may seem unlikely for Bella to completely lose it simply because of this situation, but please remember Bella's already fragile mind. She has been depressed for months and every little thing makes her hate herself just a little bit more. Edward, it seems, has just become the cherry on the sundae of misery.

So if you think it sucks or rocks, let me know please. Reviews make me act like Alice during a game of Bella Barbie.

Next up… another day at school and going to the Cullen house.

6


	5. Chapter 4: Taking Away the Negative

A/N: Thanks to my awesome beta, **Not Dead Yet**. I'd also like to thank my "bestie," Samantha, who gets me through the rough patches.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just playing Jasper and messing with their emotions.

Chapter 4: Taking Away the Negative

Bella's POV

It is not that I am scared to learn,

Just why I'm empty inside.

Just hold my hand to show some concern,

If I live or die.

My eyes are open wide.

Help me look inside.

--"Black Orchid," Blue October

The next day at school went by extremely slow as I begged each clock in the school to speed up. I still felt horrible about not paying back Esme yet and was anxious to make amends after school.

I was quiet and aloof most of the day, giving the girls at the school the fuel to spread rumors of my snobbery. Mike unfortunately continued to attempt walking me to classes and trying to get conversation out of me, but I was too uptight about my after school plans to fully acknowledge his efforts.

I couldn't stop my brain from moving 100 miles per hour as I stressed about Esme's possible reaction, Edward's actual reaction, and my actions last night. I knew I should stop my self-mutilation, but I didn't think that would happen anytime soon.

My first day of gym class and the absence of the Angel only increased my bad mood. The other four beautiful people continued to sit at their own table at lunch. In an attempt to not bring back yesterday's torment, I tried not to glance in their direction and scarcely looked up from the table as I ate and listened to the conversation going on around me.

When the final bell rang, I was the first one dressed in the locker room and ran out to my car. Charlie had laid out the directions to Esme's house on the counter before I left this morning, and luckily, they were good enough so that even I could read it.

I found the slightly hidden, beautiful white house with ease. The size and beauty of the mansion only served to increase my anxiety. I parked the truck in the driveway and paused in the car to regain my breath and mind. _You can do this….No! Run!... Ugh, don't be stupid. Just walk up there and do what you need to do. Fall apart later..._

_Would she be angry with me? Or maybe she would simply put me in the predictable teenager category._ For some reason, the last choice bothered me the most.

I walked up the white stairs to the door, only stumbling once in my pursuit. But before I could even ring the doorbell, the door opened and a blurry figure rushed at me with a hug. Before I could even respond, my attacker stepped back into view.

I gasped loudly. It was one of the beautiful people – the pixie.

"Hello! Sorry about that, I'm just so excited to meet new people. I'm Alice."

"Um...Hi, it's okay... My name's Bella. I was looking for Esme? Does she live here?" The words tumbled out of my mouth slowly as I put things together in my head.

_Oh, shit. She lives here. Esme is one of them. I should have known. I bet the copper-haired boy is just inside. I should definitely leave… Just say you forgot something in the car._

But before I could say anything else, Alice had taken my hand and pulled me into the living room.

"Esme stepped out for a moment, but she should be here shortly. If you could just wait for her, I'd love to chat with you until she gets here."

"Um…ok." It looked like this Alice girl wasn't giving me much of choice as she lightly pushed me into the couch, taking her seat in the chair across from me.

"So, you go to Forks High School right? I remember you from the cafeteria the other day. Are you feeling okay?" She looked at me, her face full of concern.

Confused and utterly mortified, I asked, "Feeling okay? What do you mean?"

"Well, the way you fell I thought maybe you had received some bruises or something."

"Oh! Yeah, I'm good. I am pretty much used to it. I trip all the time." _Oh thank God. _If she were alluding to the scene in the bathroom stall yesterday, I may have bolted from the house.

"I'm sorry about my brother's behavior yesterday. Edward was having a bad day and he tends to take it out on other people. Don't take it personally." Alice patted my knee with assurance.

_So the angel had a name… Edward._

I blushed. "I was wondering about that. Is he feeling better?"

"Edward will be fine. He left last night to visit our cousins in Alaska. I'm positive he will return by tomorrow." Alice laughed, shaking her head. Clearly, she was not concerned.

"That's good that gets to see his cousins." _It's good that he's not here too. I wouldn't want to disturb Edward any further._

Realizing we were seemingly alone in this large house, I asked where the rest of her family was.

Smiling, Alice explained that her father, Carlisle, was working at the hospital where he was a doctor, her siblings were hiking as they often did, and Esme was on her way back from doing some shopping in Port Angeles.

"Esme's favorite pastime is to renovate the house. She went to Port Angeles to buy paint for the guest room."

"Esme must have good taste. This is the most beautiful house I've ever seen."

Alice laughed at my wide eyes. "Tell her that and you're golden." She winked.

Just as she said that, I heard the front door open and close. Esme was home.

I stood up from the couch as I heard Esme's footsteps coming toward the living room. Now that she was next to one of them, I could definitely see the resemblance. Light pale skin, golden eyes, and perfection.

"Oh Bella, it's nice to see you again. I was hoping you would stop by today." Esme said smiling as she leaned in to hug me. Taking a brief look at Alice jumping up and down beside me, Esme's face radiated with joy.

"Yes ma'am. I'm sorry I didn't come by yesterday. I got a little preoccupied, but that doesn't excuse me. I apologize wholeheartedly for my tardiness." I winced and looked at my feet as I handed her the money enclosed envelope. I had added twenty extra dollars to the sum as penance.

"Thank you. However, I wasn't referring to the money. For that I could really care less." My eyes rose meet hers in surprise. She smiled and I could tell by her eyes that she was genuine as she tossed the envelope on the coffee table.

"I was just hoping you would stop by so we could get to know each other better. My children and you are about the same age and I know Alice here already sees you as a friend." Alice nodded in agreement.

"Bella, let's go into the kitchen and chat while Esme makes up a batch of snickerdoodle cookies!" Alice exclaimed animatedly.

"Snickerdoodle?!" The words escaped my mouth much louder than intended, causing me to blush and them to laugh.

"Excuse me. I just meant to say that snickerdoodle cookies are my favorite!"

Esme chuckled as she led me into the kitchen. "It's Alice's favorite too. She asked me to make them earlier." She and Alice shared a look of knowing between them as Alice and I took our places on the barstools.

It was so easy to talk to them, which surprised me because you would think with their beauty and money I would be intimidated. But Alice and Esme didn't do or say anything that made me feel uncomfortable.

Quite the contrary, we chatted easily for the next hour and half as Esme and Alice told me funny family stories about Emmett's antics and I recounted my story of moving to Forks to be with my dad, leaving out the reason for the move of course.

The snickerdoodle cookies were amazing and I lost count of how many I ate after four. Strangely, they were Alice's favorite cookies as well yet she only ate one and she didn't seem to like it that much as she forced it down.

When I realized how much time had passed by, I had to quickly excuse myself to make it back in time to make Charlie dinner. I was stuffed with a ridiculous amount of delicious cookies, but I knew Charlie would be stuck ordering pizza if I didn't make dinner for him.

"It was lovely seeing you again Bella. Please, don't be a stranger and come by and chat anytime." Esme hugged me with all the love of a mother. I couldn't help thinking how lucky the Cullen's were having Esme as their mother.

As soon as Esme let me go, Alice stepped up for her hug. _These people are really big on the hugs._

"Yeah Bella! And we _have_ to go shopping really soon. Is this weekend okay?"

"Um…Sure. Sounds like fun." Shopping really didn't sound like much fun to me, but I knew it would make Alice happy, and if I admitted to myself, I wanted to spend more time with this energy ball.

With that promise in the air, Alice and Esme waved goodbye to me from the porch as I got in my car and drove back home slowly.

Meeting Esme and Alice was definitely strange, but in a good way. I couldn't recall one negative thought I had during that time in the kitchen. _They really didn't give me a chance to have any._

I smiled as I remembered Esme's motherly actions -- feeding me and talking about our lives -- and Alice with her graceful energy and open heart. Initially, she took me off-guard with her forthright hugs as my family was never big on the hugging and showing emotions, but it soon just felt right. Like Alice said at the closing of our conversation, we were going to be great friends.

The emptiness in me that my new friends temporarily filled with love returned to its original state as I entered the real world again. In this world, I was just a lonely, scared, and utterly depressed girl living in a new town with old problems. The prospect of having new friends brightened me considerable until I concluded that it could not really happen for me. _After all, why would the Cullen's want to hang out with a weak loser like me?_

Letting that thought consume me, I was confined within myself again. The feelings of loneliness and pain took over my body, begging to be released.

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Edward's POV

Do you fear

The expressions on the faces we don't know

It's a cold hard road when you wake up

And I don't think that I

Have the strength to let you go

---"Maybe," Secondhand Serenade

As I ran to Denali, the same thought kept running through my head on repeat: _What am I doing?_

When I saw the girl walking by, her quiet beauty mesmerized me. Unlike my sister, Rosalie, this strange girl shined without overt confidence. She had deep brown eyes and long, brown hair that attempted to cover her lovely face and pale skin and I couldn't keep my eyes off her as she picked up her tray and walked past me.

The moment I saw her falling, I leapt forward to protect her before she hit the ground. As soon as she was in my arms, her scent attacked me without warning. I have controlled my thirst for decades, priding myself on my control, but this girl stirred up the beast that lived within me. Never had a human smelt so good and the beast roared in me to drink her dry right then.

What shocked me and distracted my thirst is how the girl stared at the beast and was not afraid. How could she not be afraid? I knew I looked as much the beast as I was and she should've been crouching in fear. She didn't even flinch.

With that small distracting thought, I fled the room and ran to my car to escape. My brothers and sisters quickly followed me, begging me to stop. Emmett and Jasper stood on each side of me to hold me in place by the Volvo while Alice and Rosalie looked at me dumbfounded.

"Man that was so awesome! You looked like you were going to devour her right there and then you just got up and left. That is some control! I couldn't have done it." Jasper silently agreed to Emmett's characteristically blunt comment, which earned a quick slap to the head from Rosalie.

"It's good he stopped because that room was _filled_ with children! No way we could've gotten away with that." Rosalie looked livid as she thought about the prospect of moving again so soon. Of course she would be thinking of herself during the hardest moment of my existence.

Alice said nothing, but at that moment she had a vision. In it, the mysterious brunette and I were laying in the meadow, my arm around her as I held her body against mine. The sun shined on us and my skin sparkled on hers. The love between us was obvious as I leaned into kiss her forehead and she sighed in contentment. It was so beautiful.

I shook my head violently and yelled, "NO!" stepping closer to Alice and grabbing her by the arm as though that would fix the vision. Jasper quickly stepped in, ready to attack me for hurting his wife.

My eyes darkened at the thought of the vision. There was no way that would happen. She was clearly human in the vision and I knew no good would come of that situation.

Alice softly stroked my arm in comfort as I panted in fear and anger. "Edward, I've seen it. It will happen and it's going to be all right." she whispered.

I looked into her eyes with fierce determination in my black eyes. "Like hell it will."

Running as far as I have gave me time to rethink my decision. I didn't even tell Carlisle and Esme goodbye. I knew they would feel disappointed in my actions. I almost killed an innocent and now I was running away from my family. No, they wouldn't be happy with me at all.

I knew that if I went away, the girl would have a chance of escaping the pain that undoubtedly came along with the beast in me. Even though I did not really know her, I knew she didn't deserve the beast.

On the other hand, in Alice's vision we both looked so happy and content. I have never looked or felt like that in my many years as a vampire. Hell, I never felt it in the short years before becoming a vampire.

I was used to being the odd man out. Everyone in my family had their soul mate except me. I felt so lonely sometimes it seemed my dead heart would come alive for the sole purpose to stop and make me die again.

When my family's love for one another got too confining, I took to staying outside on my own at nights. Usually, I would just sit in a tree wondering if Hell would feel like this and questioning myself for not finding someone.

_And now I find out there is someone who can bring me that happiness… and I just run._

Reaching the city limits of Denali, I stopped in my tracks. I couldn't keep going. It was probably the most selfish act I have ever committed, but I turned around on the spot and headed back to Forks.

_I do not know if this human girl is my soul mate, but I know what life is like without her._

I had already felt a wider range of emotions with her in my life in a short few moments of knowing her. I had no idea how more time between us would change me and I couldn't help myself from wanting to find out.

_I am selfish. I am a beast. And I am going to regret this._

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A/N: Please let me know what you think.

Until next time (which will be soon),

Ab


	6. Chapter 5: Inexplicable Love

A/N: Thanks to my beta, **Not Dead Yet** for making my sentences less awkward and for putting up with my shyness and the computer issues!

Readers, please let me know what you think – especially if you think there are areas I need to work on. I'd love some criticism or hints on how to make this story more interesting or just plain better. If you feel uncomfortable leaving a review for any reason, feel free to send me a PM.

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**Chapter 5: Inexplicable Love**

Bella POV

So little to say but so much time,

Despite my empty mouth the words are in my mind.

Please wear the face, the one where you smile,

Because you lighten up my heart when I start to cry.

_---First Love,_ Adele

I stood dumbfounded in the food line as I stared at five beautiful people who were currently sitting at their lunch table. That's right, all five of them. The Angel had returned or should I say Edward had returned. They were all laughing with each other as the large guy blew a straw cover at Edward's distracted face. Edward looked shocked for a second and then threw a piece of cornbread in retaliation. They looked like a scene from a teen movie.

"Bella, the line has moved forward," Angela said, lightly placed her hand on my back.

Shaking my head clear, I blushed at my obvious distraction. "Oh! Yes! Sorry. Just spaced out there for a second."

Angela smiled knowingly, grabbing a salad bowl from the overhead counter. "Looks like Edward is back. I hope he wasn't sick."

I couldn't say anything but agree with her as I paid for my food and escaped to an empty table. Angela had repeatedly invited me to her table again, but I couldn't bring myself to the torture of the brainless people over there. Angela was nice, but she had a hard time separating herself from the people she had been friends with since junior high, and I understood.

Keeping my eye away from _his_ table, I pulled out my worn copy of Northanger Abbey. I could always get lost in Catherine's character. Catherine and I had a lot in common. I was once very naïve and innocent to the world, preferring illusion to reality. In some ways, I still am that girl. Catherine is forced to enter reality when she realizes her innocence makes her a victim, only to find that even in reality she is a victim.

I never understood Catherine's love for Henry Tilney. Unlike Pride and Prejudice or Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen never explained why her character loved Tilney so much. They just had some kind of spark after their first meeting. Funny that this book is all about reality, yet does not give a realistic reasoning of their relationship. I never understood that. I have never been in love, but surely if I was willing to give up my family and my life, as customary in Catherine's time, I would know what I am giving it up for.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't sense the shadow that covered me until a voice brought me back to reality.

"Hello." I nearly jumped a mile high at the sound, only to come face to face with the Angel.

My heart pounded in my ears as I tried to think of how to respond. _Crap, I know this. What do you say after 'hello'?_

He clearly thought I was out of my mind as he gave me a curious smile and sat across from me.

"My name's Edward Cullen. Your name is Bella, right? I would like to apologize for my rude behavior the other day. I… I was having a bad day." His face was full of shame as he looked into my eyes.

"Erm.. Yeah. It's no big deal. Thanks for catching me. I am so clumsy sometimes. Are you having better day today?" I shyly looked into his sparkling, amber eyes.

"I am now."

Blushing fiercely at the implication, I looked back down at my book that was cast aside.

Moving the book from my view, Edward smiled with "Northanger Abbey, huh? I was always intrigued by Tilney and Catherine's relationship. Out of all the Austen couples, I think they are my favorite."

"WHY?" I blurted out before I could catch myself. Embarrassed, I tried to correct myself. "I mean, I just don't understand why they love each other. They barely know each other and Austen never explains their attraction. How could they love each other? Tilney is rude and talks down at her and Catherine is so naïve, she is almost a child!"

Edward gave me a mind-blowing crooked smile and shook his head. "But their love is explained. Upon their initial meeting, Tilney shows his attraction to Catherine the only way he knows how – by teasing her and demonstrating his wittiness. In turn, Catherine spends days thinking of Tilney's intelligence and comedy. Catherine is not the most beautiful person in town, but Tilney sees the beauty of her innocence, even when it gets the best of her. Her compassion and endearing actions are the attraction to him. All the other girls are predictable and selfish, the complete opposite of Catherine. They love the best parts of each other enough to bypass and accept their worst parts."

I was truly shocked. How did I never see that? I have read this novel so many times the spine is falling apart, something unknown pulling me in, and in two minutes this Angel completely blew the case wide open. The reality shined through the illusion of their relationship.

"I never thought of it that way, but I see it now. Catherine loved Tilney for her own reasons and Austen did not need to explain that to anyone. Their love was inexplicable to anyone but themselves." I sat in awe of my newfound knowledge.

Edward smiled and returned the book to me. "So you're name is Bella, you're Chief Swan's daughter and you just moved here from Phoenix. Is there anything else I'm missing?"

Staring at his beautiful smile, I couldn't think straight. Shaking my head, I looked back down at the table. "I hope there is a lot more you are missing, since that is not a lot of information about me, but yeah, that's what everyone around here knows about me."

He leaned forward, his voice quiet and slow. "Well, I will have to find out more then, especially after finding out there is so much more to know. To begin with, why did you decide to move in with your father?"

I made the mistake of looking into his eyes before I answered. "I wasn't happy there." The words had escaped me before I even realized I said them.

He seemed as surprised as I was at my honesty. I wanted to smack myself. _Did you really just divulge that? Now he's going to think you're some depressed lunatic… Oh wait, you are._

"I'm sorry to hear that. Was there any particular reason?"

"No. I just wasn't," I stated simply and sighed. "I thought maybe the change would do me good and it would be good for my mom too. She and Phil just married and were thinking about moving soon. I didn't want to hold them back."

He didn't look at me like I was crazy. Rather, he looked like he understood. _I must be projecting. There is no way he understands._

"I see. Did moving help you find happiness?"

_If I could freeze this moment, I would always be happy. _"I'm not sure yet. Too early to tell."

"Well, I hope I can help change that." He smiled shyly at me. _Did he…? No, he didn't just say that._

"Um…" I stuttered as I contemplated what to say to something I obviously imagined.

He looked uncomfortable seeing my discomfort. "I apologize. I didn't mean to be so forward. Please, just disregard my last comment."

"No!" I said a little too loudly, "I mean, I just didn't think I heard you right. I... I wasn't offended." I blushed. _Again with that damn smile! He is going to force a heart attack out of me today._

"Okay, that's good to hear." He stood, gathering his bag. "The bell is about to ring. May I walk you to your next class?"

"Um, sure… I mean, if it's not out of your way. I have biology with Mr. Banner next."

"What a coincidence! I have biology next too."

Unable to get the goofy grin off my face, I gathered my bag and threw my mostly uneaten food away before Edward and I trekked to our class. Science had always been the bane of my existence in school, but I was fairly confident it would become my favorite subject by the end of the day.

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Edward POV

So we talked about moms and dads

About family pasts

Just getting to know where we came from

Our hearts were on display

For all to see

I can't believe this is happening to me

---_ 18th Floor Balcony_, Blue October

Esme and Carlisle were waiting for me in the dining room when I returned home from my run to Alaska. Alice must have told them when I was coming back. Their thoughts were filled with a mix of concern and relief that I had returned.

"Edward Cullen! Never do that to us again!" Esme rushed forward to embrace me. "We were so worried!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sure Alice explained what happened. I didn't know what else to do." I shifted my eyes downward, ashamed.

Carlisle stepped forward to embrace me as Esme had. "Son, we understand. However, I hope you realize that the best way to solve a conflict is to share it with your family. That is what a family does – support one another."

He looked as compassionate as ever, always the rock during the storm. "Yes, sir. I realize that now."

"Good. Now, what are you going to do about this girl? Do we need to move or will you be able to handle her scent?"

I smiled. _Of course he would be willing to move the entire family for my comfort._ "No, moving will not be necessary, nor do I want to. There is something about her. I didn't realize it until I was on my way back home, but I didn't hear her thoughts yesterday. She was completely silent to me. I would like to learn more about her."

"Interesting. I wonder why that is…" The scientist in him was lost in thought at the mystery.

Esme took this moment as her chance to voice the questions she had been keeping inside. "Honey, Alice says there may be something more to your relationship with the girl. Is it possible? Have you found your mate?" She was close to bursting at the seams in excitement at the prospect.

"Mom… I haven't even spoken with her yet. I know nothing about her. Alice simply had a vision of us together, but you know as well as I do that her visions aren't concrete." I didn't want Esme to get excited, only to crush her later when this girl turned out like every other human girl.

"Besides, she is human. What kind of relationship could we really have?" I sighed at the thought. This was ridiculous. I couldn't believe I had brought myself to this level – desiring a human, and I didn't even know her!

The next day at school, I spent the entire morning picking thoughts of Bella out of the minds of curious students. To my frustration, no one seemed to know anything about her besides her recent move into her father's home, though Mike Newton seemed to know quite a lot about her anatomy.

I growled lowly in anger as once again Newton visualized him and Bella making love in the janitor's closet. I was so distracted by his vile thoughts I didn't even hear Emmett's plot to spew a straw cover at my face.

Alice had noted that Bella was watching, so I lightly threw a piece of cornbread in retaliation, hoping that seemed like a perfectly human response. I turned around discreetly to meet her gaze, but Angela had already stolen her attention.

Angela was a nice person and her thoughts were always full of kindness, unlike the other students at this school, but she seemed to have a problem with peer pressure and couldn't separate herself from the children who seemed to be on top of the hierarchy of this school. However, with Bella around Angela was questioning her actions much more and I hoped she would discover herself soon.

Bella had chosen an empty table and pulled out a book as she lightly nibbled on some of the disgusting looking food in front of her. She was so beautiful, oblivious to the world while lost in her novel. I saw this as my chance and made the decision to join her.

_What is he doing?! Edward! Don't be a fool. _Rosalie thought as I took off toward Bella, the rest of my family looking after me in shock. Alice jumped up and down in her chair in excitement. _I knew it!!_

We talked of inconsequential subjects, mostly about her novel. I couldn't help but notice the similarities between Catherine and Bella. I had always seen a bit of Henry Tilney in myself.

Her beauty captivated me and each statement she made created a fire in my frozen chest. Her scent was still overpoweringly strong and I tried to keep my distance, but every time she blushed the scent would grow significantly. I had to continuously distract myself in an attempt not to lunge at her.

Our short conversation left me craving more of her time, but I knew the bell would be ringing soon. When I discovered we were to be in the same class, I couldn't help the giddiness from escaping. I could only hope she was too distracted to see the ridiculous smile I had pasted on my face.

We had a lab in biology, which Bella and I finished quickly, she already having done it in her class in Phoenix and the fact that I already held two medical degrees did expedite the assignment. We spent the rest of the period trying to get to know each other, sitting far apart so that I would not be too close to her scent. In this short time, I found out she had taken care of her irresponsible mother for years, she loved to cook, she hated the rain, her favorite flowers were daffodils, and she had broken her wrist four times already, twice on her left wrist and twice on her right.

I, in turn, told her about my family and my passion for music. Bella admitted she had already met Alice and Esme and explained her short stay at my house yesterday. I didn't tell her, but I already knew she had been there. Her scent was all over the kitchen and living room last night and Alice recounted to me what had occurred. I couldn't believe she had already become friends with my family while I was gone. _Who _is_ this girl?_

When class ended, I walked her to her gym class. I couldn't stop myself from lightly touching her cheek as we parted, turning before her blush could invoke my instinct to kill again.

For all of my existence, I had doubted I would ever find love. Now here I was head over heels for a human I had just met. It was inexplicable. How could I love someone I had to try so hard not to instinctively kill? Needed to keep my distance. It was the only way to keep her safe.

Meeting my siblings at the car, I ignored their questioning eyes. Emmett was the first to break the silence.

"Dude, way to go! I would never have though you'd fall for a human, but man… at least it's a girl. Not that I would have cared, but for a while there I thought maybe you…"

I growled. "Emmett, do not even think about finishing that sentence. I know exactly what you thought."

Rosalie simply glared at me in anger, her thoughts yelling profanities at me as I got into the driver's seat while Jasper apprehensively stood next to Alice, gauging my mood.

_He's in love and he's scared. No way. This cannot end well._

Alice bounced in excitement as usual, following Jasper into the backseat. "Edward, this is so great! I…." Before she could finish her sentence, a vision interrupted.

It was Bella, sitting on a bathroom floor, surrounded by blood that was seeping from her arms. She was losing consciousness as her father put a towel to her wounds and frantically called 911. He pulled her into his lap, cradling her like a baby, begging her to stay with him. Her breathing grew ragged and she used her last breath to whisper him a goodbye.

I turned around to look at Alice quickly. Her face was paler than usual in fear. "No!" We both cried.

Review, please!

Ab


	7. Chapter 6: Rollercoasters

A/N: A big THANK YOU to my beta, **Not Dead Yet**. An even bigger thank you to all of you who are reading this fanfic. Every time I get an email notifying me of a new subscriber or favorites add, I squeal like a middle school girl with a new crush.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight

Chapter 6: Decisions

Edward POV

So why so long?

So sad, I wanna be strong.

Don't try to take this from me.

I'm already spent living half my life undone

--- "It's Just Me," Blue October

I pushed the Volvo to its limit as I raced back to our house with my family in tow. Knowing that Alice's vision seemed to be a few weeks ahead gave Alice and I some time to ponder what our actions might be. The rest of my brothers and sisters sat in silence, not knowing what to say.

I couldn't believe what I saw – Bella, dying by her own hand. Why would she do that? Why hadn't I seen she was on this path? Did I not notice something? Maybe it was me. I was going to set her over the edge, possibly when she found out the truth about me. I definitely needed to stay away.

"Edward," Alice shook me out of my stillness, "Edward. The vision just sharpened. I don't understand it. Have you made any decisions regarding Bella?"

My decision to stay away should've changed the vision, not made it clearer. Unless, I wasn't the cause. "I decided to keep my distance from Bella." I admitted quietly.

Alice groaned. "I need some time to think about this," she mumbled. As the car came to stop, she quickly escaped from the car, reciting Robert Frost poetry in her head while pulling Jasper into the forest.

I ran into the house, ignoring Esme's confused look as I sought the solitude of my bedroom.

I wasn't sure how long I sat on my couch, thinking about Bella. Seeing her like she was in the vision, I realized I really didn't know anything about her. I didn't know she had such a dark side to her. To that, I could completely relate.

Life as a vampire was probably the darkest existence you could have, though I was sure the rest of my family would disagree. I didn't understand how a creature that lived to kill for eternity could ever content with their life. Could a vampire's existence be considered a life if there wasn't an end? It is no wonder so many vampires become inhumane and monstrous; heaven wasn't an option anymore and there was no reason to fight against what your instincts told you to do.

Obviously, I have never tried to kill myself. That would be rather difficult when you're immortal. I have wanted to though, especially when my family all paired up leaving me alone to my thoughts. Esme often wondered if Carlisle changed me too young, causing me to not have the emotional ability to fall in love. I couldn't help but agree with her, especially after turning down every girl who threw herself at me. I never thought I would find my mate. Alice telling me she saw Bella and I together blew my mind really.

I could understand why my family was content with their existence. They did have regrets and sadness about their situation, but they also had the knowledge that they were able to have a type of heaven on earth, an eternity with their soul mate.

But of course for me, the one girl I might possibly have a future with is either going to die soon at her own hand, or die eventually with old age. Alas, I will never find solstice with what I am.

I was so wrapped up in my own misery, I didn't sense Alice arriving before me until she spoke.

"Edward, Bella's future can change," Alice gently took my face in her hands. My eyes widen in surprise.

"All you have to do is one thing. Do you think you can do that?" She asked seriously.

I nodded my head frantically. "Of course, I would do anything. You know that."

"Stop… being… an… idiot." She emphasized slowly, letting go of my face.

I gave her a confused and angry stare as I internally debated her meaning.

Alice sighed and sat by me on the leather couch. "I tried every sort of situation and decision to see if my vision would have a different outcome. You ignored her, she killed herself. You left town, she killed herself. You continued to speak to her, but only in class and only with distant politeness, and she killed herself."

I was appalled. How could my decision to keep my distance induce her suicide? Could she not handle rejection? Did she really think that much of me?

"And then I tried to see what would happen if you decided to get to know her better and become her friend… Edward, she lived." Alice said softly.

"I don't understand. Why would she kill herself if I stayed away? Would I hurt her that much?" I asked quietly.

"I think you are looking at it wrong. I believe she is already on the path to her suicide. Your decision to keep your distance doesn't affect that path, but you decision to stay does. You don't cause her death; you save her." Alice patted me on the back in sympathy before leaving me to my thoughts again.

She was going to kill herself. Again I wondered where these dark feelings in Bella came from. I hoped it wasn't the effect of some type of abuse or death of someone she knew, but what else could cause it?

Right then, I decided that I would find out that cause. I wanted to get inside of this mysterious girl's head and find out what caused her so much pain. She was not going to take her life, not while I still had mine.

Bella POV

Wake me up

 Bid my blood to run

 I can't wake up 

Before I come undone

 Save me

 Save me from the nothing I've become 

I've been living a lie 

There's nothing inside 

Bring me to life

---_Bring Me to Life,_ Evanescence

The night after meeting Edward was the first time I dreamt of him. In the dream, it was so dark I couldn't see anything. I could only hear a pounding on a door or wall. It grew louder and louder until the person behind the noise gave into defeat. The pounding turned into smaller, slower thumps. The person whimpered in fear.

Suddenly, the door opened. The light was so bright I could not make out the figure. Then, I could hear his voice.

"My dearest… The door was unlocked, why didn't you open it? Come out of the darkness, my love."

He stepped closer to the figure shedding light on the prisoner. I was the prisoner, crouching in the corner, holding myself tightly. The picture changed so quickly I wasn't even sure it happened. I was sitting there looking up at Edward in hope and then I was covered in bleeding cuts all over my body, only to quickly return to normal.

The closer he stepped to me, the more light was shed on my body. His face was exactly as I remembered, but filled with love and adoration for me. How could that be? Without hesitation, I accepted his outstretched hand and we went off into the blinding light.

I woke up in a sweat, holding my chest in an attempt to slow my breathing. Looking at the clock, I saw it was four thirty a.m. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep after this, so I simply lay in bed contemplating what just happened. I've had dreams about that locked room a few times in the past six months, but never had anyone else been in there with me.

Obviously, the dark room symbolized my depression. That was a no-brainer. It was the physical manifestation of my inner self: dark, empty, and painful. I just didn't understand it! How could I feel so much pain without a known cause? I simply knew my life wasn't what it should be.

Over these past few months, it seems like my emotions have been on a rollercoaster. Even while in Phoenix, I would have days in which it seemed I merely existed in the world. I would go to school, come home, do my chores and homework, and go to bed. I wasn't bothered by anything or saddened, I just wasn't happy. I was constantly tired, as though simply existing was a chore.

I would fall into the void – the emotionless space I occupied in my mind. Then, so quickly I didn't know what would cause the transition, anger would fill my veins, demanding my body to feel something, anything.

That's when I would cut myself.

I knew it was dumb. Hell, even mid-way through the action I was yelling at myself to stop. But I knew I needed it. Feeling the sharpness in my skin reminded me I was living, that I was still on this earth and not trapped in my mind.

To make the rollercoaster even more topsy-turvy, being with Edward today woke a dormant emotion I didn't realize I still had inside me --- happiness.

Just at the thought of him, I felt happy. Edward was like anyone I had ever met. It wasn't just his unbelievable beauty either. Talking with him was so easy. He truly listened to me and actually seemed intrigued by what he heard. The conversation we had about Northanger Abbey yesterday blew my mind and the way he spoke about his family was very endearing. His family had such a close-knit bond, it made me slightly jealous thinking of my mother who didn't know what to do with me and my father who kept his distance.

I knew there was different about him and his family. They weren't all blood related, Edward was Esme's nephew, Alice and Emmett were siblings and adopted by the Cullen's early in their childhood, followed closely by Rosalie and Jasper, who were also siblings. However, they all had similar traits – beauty, perfection, eye color, grace….

I didn't know what the reason behind this was; I only knew I wanted to get to know Edward more. In my dream, Edward was my savior. I wondered if my subconscious was trying to tell me something.

Lost in my thoughts, I nearly jumped a mile in the air when my alarm went off at seven in the morning. I grumbled as I went to grab my toiletries, slightly perking up when I remembered it was Friday and I would have a chance to see Edward again today. For the first time in months, I started my day off with a pleasant thought.

_It might just be an okay day after all. _

-----------------------------------------

Of course, the rollercoaster came crashing downwards after its peak this morning. It was stupid really, but hearing Lauren spreading rumors of the reasons behind Edward's impromptu lunch conversation yesterday brought back the darkness. By lunchtime, everyone was buzzing about it. Apparently, Edward felt sorry for me because he found out my mother sent me to Forks because she didn't want me anymore. I couldn't even bring myself to come to my own defense.

I knew she was making up the information because she was jealous but I also knew how close to the truth she really was. My mother sent me to Forks because she didn't know how to handle my actions and was never the responsible one in our relationship. I knew she loved me, but I also knew she loved her carefree life more. Hearing it from Lauren's lips just made it more painful, especially the part about Edward.

I still didn't understand why he spoke to me. He was a god and I was just… average, maybe even less. My hair got frizzy in the humidity, I had bad breath some days, and my skin was prone to dryness in the cold. Edward, on the other hand, looked like he never had a day of dry skin in his life. Pity seemed like such a good excuse for his sudden communication with me.

With this revelation, I decided I wasn't going to eat in the cafeteria today. I wasn't hungry anyway. Instead, I attempted to escape into the ladies room.

Just as I was about to push open the door to the restroom, it opened and a pixie figure came toward me.

"Bella! I was wondering if I was going to see you again. I saw you met Edward yesterday, isn't he nice? Hey, we're still going to do that shopping trip this weekend, right? You wouldn't back out on me, would you?" Alice never took a breath as she said these things, turning me around in the direction of the cafeteria. She locked her arm with mine and jumped up and down in excitement.

"You just have to sit at the table with me and my family today. The rest of the family is very interested in meeting you. Besides, that way we can discuss when we should meet and stuff." She didn't give me a chance to argue as she continued to tell me about all the things she wanted to buy during this shopping trip, pulling me toward the table. Apparently, she had many clothing articles in mind for me.

"Alice," I blushed, not looking at the people at the table. "I don't need any clothes. I will go shopping with you, but I won't be buying much."

"No worries, you don't have to buy a thing!" I frowned, trying to figure out if she meant she was paying or if she didn't mind if I didn't make any purchases.

"Just go with it. Alice won't let you do otherwise." A velvet voice said, laughing. "How are you today, Bella?"

I finally brought my eyes up to meet Edward's. "I'm doing fine. How are you?"

"The day is getting better." He said, cryptically.

"So Bella, this is Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper." Alice introduced, hugging Jasper as she said his name.

Emmett's voice boomed as he finally spoke up. "Finally! I was beginning to think you weren't real. Alice and Edward keep talking about this Bella chick that was so interesting, but I had yet to see her!" He laughed loudly, bringing some unwanted attention to the table. "Pleased to meet you! As the hurricane said, I'm Emmett and this is my girl, Rosalie." The blonde sitting under Emmett's arm did not say anything but simply glared at me.

Clearing his throat, Alice's boyfriend Jasper made his presence known. "Don't worry about her. She kept her face in that position so long, her face is stuck like that permanently. She really is pleased to meet you, just as I am. Alice speaks so highly of you." Rosalie turned her glare in Jasper's direction and got up from the table, pulling Emmett along with her as I tried to keep my laughter from escaping.

"Pleased to meet you too." I said shyly with a smile. This family was so interesting. Emmett definitely seemed like someone I could pal around with and Jasper was funny and calming at the same time. I knew he would be able to bring me out of any bad day.

In fact, I was feeling much better and didn't think about Lauren or the ridiculous rumors for the entire lunch period. The four of us spent the entire half-hour talking about our hobbies and getting to know each other basically. Edward seemed particularly interested in my answers, looking at me like I was a puzzle he was trying to put together. I'm not sure why – I am hopeless at trying to hide my emotions, as shown by the frequent blushing and goofy smiles I gave in response to his stares. He didn't look at me in pity, making me wonder again why he was so interested in getting to know me. I could not dare to hope it was the same reason I longed to be near him.

When the bell rang, the four of us split up and Edward and I slowly made our way to Biology, continuing our conversation about our favorite types of music. Just as I suspected this morning, my day was turning out to be okay and my rollercoaster came to a plateau. I wasn't sure how long it would last, but for now I was content with my plateau.

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A/N: This has been a very stressful week for me, but writing this story helped tone it down a bit. My laptop is getting repairs and I'm having to use my friend's computer to post this. Getting some reviews would really make the week better ;)

I should probably let you know that I am doing a six week study abroad program in about three weeks, so I'm not sure how often I will be writing while I am gone, if at all. I will try to get out another chapter or two before I leave though.

Any ideas on where this story should go? I open to hearing them. PM me with suggestions.


	8. Chapter 7: Should Have Known Better

A/N: A big THANK YOU to my beta **Not Dead Yet **and to my patient readers, few as you are. I am currently studying abroad in a six-week program (I'm half way through), which left me little time to write anything but schoolwork. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about a few things this week though so I just had to write this. I hope it's okay.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

Chapter 7: Should Have Known Better

Bella POV

I can't seem

To find myself again

My walls are closing in

Without a sense of confidence and

I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take

I've felt this way before

So insecure

--- _Crawling_, Linkin Park

I should have known better. Just when I thought I was awaking to a better day, life's cruel irony knocked me down.

The day started well enough. I picked out one of my favorite outfits, jeans and a blue and purple shirt layered over each other, danced to some music in my room, gave Charlie a cheerful goodbye, and went merrily off to school. I should have known better.

As soon as I got to school, I was subject to the school's court of jesters; at least that's how I viewed them. Lauren and Jessica were the jesters, mocking others for the amusement of their whims. Most people would see them as the Queen Bees but I believed that gave them too much credit.

I was passing by the car the Jesters were leaning against when I heard them.

"Hey Jess, did you hear the new girl Bella got kicked out of her old school because she got caught having sex with a guy in the janitor's closet?" Jessica gave a fake gasp. Laurent went on, knowing she had my attention though I hadn't stopped or turned around, "Yeah. It's gets better. Come to find out, the guy she was with was her math teacher!"

At this, Jessica and Lauren shook their heads and snorted with laughter. A few people around them were looking at me with stunned looks on their faces. As for me, my heart felt like it had stopped beating. I should have been angry, I should have walked straight up to them and yelled at them for starting. I should have.

Instead, I kept walking with my head down and rushed off to my next class to escape the looks and mockery. Sitting down at my desk, I stared at the blank chalkboard.

I didn't understand how some people could be so mean. I hadn't done anything to them. In fact, I didn't even talk to them really.

My face reddened at the thought of the whole school hearing this horrible story about me. What would the teachers think of me if they heard? Or worse, what would Edward think? This thought was the final straw holding me together and upon its loss, I lost myself to my emotions.

Though class had started and the teacher was putting us into groups for an in-class project, I could not hold back the tears any longer.

"Mrs. Winters, can I… be excused?" My voice cracked, but before she could answer I ran to the bathroom to finish the tears that had made their presence known.

****

Anger is such an interesting emotion. It spreads throughout the body like a wildfire and demands instant release. The fire began in my heart as soon as I heard Lauren's voice in the cafeteria. I fought the urge to grab my chest and made the slow, painful walk to my nearby empty table. The feeling of everyone's eyes on me increased the fire to spread even further until I exploded into destruction.

Raising my head to meet the onlookers, I pounded my fist on my empty lunch table. Just as I was about to inform the entire cafeteria of the erroneous information they were receiving, I heard a loud voice far behind me with anger that put my own to shame.

"Stop it! Just stop it!" Everyone looked at Edward Cullen with amazement and fear. "The rumors you have heard about Isabella Swan are completely false and you are all ignorant sheep for believing them! I don't want to hear one more derogatory word against Bella again. Grow up and stop putting down others just to feel better about your own self-worth. You should all wish to be as good-hearted as Bella. Those who continue to harass her in any way will have to deal with me." Edward glared with fury at everyone, particularly Lauren and Jessica, while I looked on in absolute shock. He defended me and said I had a good heart.

Jasper and Emmett stood up next to Edward, their arms crossed with conviction. Obviously, they were willing to "deal with" anyone who defied Edward's wishes too.

My anger slowly dissolved as I watched Edward storm out of the cafeteria, only to be replaced by gratitude. I looked back to the Cullen table to see Rosalie pulling Emmett down to the table in annoyance and Alice hugging Jasper with pride.

The bell rang loudly, effectively ending the silence that pervaded the cafeteria as students rushed off to their next class. I picked up my bag and tossed my mostly uneaten lunch into the trash. I needed to thank Edward for standing up for me. I could only hope he didn't choose today to skip class.

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Edward POV

I've been looking in the mirror for so long.

That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side.

All the little pieces falling, shatter.

Shards of me,

Too sharp to put back together.

Too small to matter,

But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.

If I try to touch her

--- _Breathe No More, _Evanescence

I awaited Bella's arrival in the biology room as soon as I heard her leave the cafeteria. It took a few minutes to calm myself from the anger I let build up towards the children of this school.

The thoughts and mouths of the entire student body were full of lies about Bella Swan today. It kept everything in me, and sometimes a hand from Emmett, to keep me from attacking the foul instigators. Every time I looked at Bella, I could see the weight of the lies taking its toll on her – like she didn't have enough to shoulder.

Many times this morning I wanted to take Bella into my arms and escape the torture house, but I knew that I could not do this. Instead, I glared at anyone who mentioned the rumors.

At lunch the thoughts of all the students just got too much to handle, particularly Lauren who was plotting the next lie to spread about my Bella. My Bella… Already I felt the need to claim her as my own to protect and love. Love… I have never felt an emotion as violent as this one.

Bella's signature footsteps stopped at the table. I kept my gaze at the open biology book in front of me in fear that Bella would be angry with me for bringing more attention to her in the cafeteria.

Strangely, Bella did not pull out her chair or sit down. She just stood at the end of the table. Curious, I lifted my gaze to her.

The dark pools of her eyes pierced my very soul – no, I don't have a soul, my being is a better word—as she looked at me strangely. I could not recognize the emotion and I longed more than ever that I could read her mind.

Blushing, my angel shyly put her eyes to the table. "I just wanted to thank you for what you did for me in the cafeteria." She barely whispered, but I could hear her perfectly.

I smiled. "Anytime."

She looked up at me slightly surprised and moved to sit in the seat next to me. Her scent was as intoxicating as ever, but I did not feel the urge to attack. I was getting used to her scent and her physical state only strengthened my resolve. She looked so weak, so hurt, I again felt the urge to take her into my arms.

Mr. Banner began his appalling and utterly boring lecture on mitochondria effectively ending any opportunity for Bella and I to chat as we did before. Bella studiously took meticulous notes and I was tempted to correct a few things Mr. Banner asserted to be true. I sat at the edge of my seat, quickly taking notes myself, and impatient for the bell to ring so I could hear her lovely voice again.

At the sound of the bell, I turned to Bella.

"Alice would like me to extend an invitation for you to come over to our house tomorrow. She said to remind you that you said the two of you planned to do some shopping this weekend. Esme is very excited to see you again." I chuckled. _More like Alice demanded you come to the house tomorrow. Pesky pixie. _

Her eyes widened as she took in what I said. "Su—sure," she stuttered. "What time should I be there?"

"I think noon should be good. Esme would like to make you lunch before the two of you head out." Excitement flowed through my body as I imagined Bella in my house and I smiled.

Bella gave a small, shy smile in return as she agreed to the time and said goodbye, rushing off towards the gym.

I blithely attended my next two classes, barely registering the teachers or the detailed notes I was taking, and thinking only of Bella. Keeping our secret with a human in the house would be hard, but I couldn't wait to show Bella some semblance of my existence. I wanted to share myself with her, but I wasn't ready to spill our secret to her.

I was being selfish, I knew, but I feared Bella would run away screaming if I told her what I was and I wanted some more time with her before that moment. I know Alice believes we will fall in love, and it has come true on my part, but how could such a creature as beautiful as Bella love such a monster as me?

Pushing those thoughts aside, I walked to the car at the end of the school to meet my siblings. We would all have to go hunting tonight in preparation, especially Jasper. Emmett stood against the car, waiting for his opportunity to tease me more about my budding relationship with Bella. Rosalie was by his side, as usual, fuming with the news a human girl would be tainting her home. I tried my best to ignore the thoughts she yelled at me with.

As usual, Alice tried to assure me with her thoughts that everything would go well tomorrow and Bella would be safe, but I still wanted to be cautious. Alice's visions could change at a moment's notice and I wasn't going to take any chances with Bella.

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Alice POV

Waiting for Edward to arrive, I leaned into Jasper, breathing in his scent for comfort. Today was very hard for him with all the emotions running high, especially from Edward. Even though I was prouder than hell of Edward, his little scene in the cafeteria almost sent Jasper on a rampage on the students. I had to keep sending him happy vibes to help him calm down, which was hard since I was as angry as the rest of my family, even Rosalie, at those ridiculous rumors.

Poor Bella. I had a vision of her happiness this morning only to see it ruined by those stupid girls. I will just have to make her feel better with our shopping spree tomorrow! I had so many things in mind that she would love!

I couldn't help but be giddy about my new friendship. Rosalie was a great sister, but we just weren't as close as I wanted us to be. I hoped Rosalie comes around about having Bella in the family. My visions were a bit murky on that topic.

I watched Edward exit the building and couldn't help but notice the slight bounce in his step and the glow in his eyes. Jasper whispered to me about his excitement and apprehension and I knew it was about Bella.

I assured Edward that there wouldn't be any trouble with Bella coming over tomorrow, but I didn't show him the vision I had. Tomorrow would be interesting indeed.

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A/n: sorry it's so short. It just needed to end there. Please leave me a line and let me know what you thought.


	9. Chapter 8: Selfishness

A/N: For those of you whom I told this chapter would be ready "next week" a month ago, I apologize profusely. I really don't want to give you the excuses of classes starting, moving into a new apartment, and some guy breaking my heart, but if you need them there ya go.

My beta is having a rough week, so I edited this chapter myself. Please let me know if something is off.

I hope y'all enjoy this. I really enjoyed writing Rosalie's POV so let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

Chapter 8: Selfishness

Bella POV

Put all your walls up and open your windows

And close all your doors

You catch yourself standing in front of the mirror

And now you need more

What do you wish for

To catch you as you're falling

So easy to ignore

But now you hear it calling again

--- _The Game_, Trapt

The pounding in my chest increased as I turned onto the long driveway to the Cullen residence. It took everything in me not to turn around and take cover in my safe bed at Charlie's. The thought of Edward's beautiful face pushed me forward and as soon as I saw him waiting for me outside his house, I knew I could not turn back.

"Hello, Bella," Edward said opening my door for me the second I put the truck in park. "I'm pleased you could make it." He smiled in a crooked fashion. He looked incredible, as always; he wore the plain khakis and brown sweater with a beauty that I'm sure even the clothes designer could not imagine.

"Hi," I said meekly, getting lost in his eyes. I do not know how long we stood there staring at each other, but it must've been too long because it took Alice's unexpected loud coughing to break the enchantment.

"Bella!" Alice said excitedly, pulling me into yet another hug. "Esme has food all ready for you and then it's time for shopping in Seattle!" At this, Alice quickly pulled me into the house.

I could not contain my laughter at Alice. Who knew shopping could have such an effect on one person?

Esme had indeed prepared a meal for me, one which could not be reduced into such a mundane word as lunch. The pesto pasta she made was heavenly and I ate the entire large portion she set in front of me. I thought it was strange that I was the only one eating with Edward, Alice, and Esme sitting around me, but they all assured me they ate before I came since they were too hungry to wait.

We chatted while I ate about mundane things like school and how I liked Forks. I wondered where the other members of the Cullen family were but as soon as that thought entered my mind, I heard a car pulling into the driveway.

"Oh, good. I was hoping they would get back before you and Alice left. The rest of the family has been anxious to meet you." Esme smiled brightly, refilling my cup with water.

"Darling, do you know where my briefcase is?" A man whom I assumed was Dr. Cullen asked, entering the kitchen. He was just as beautiful as the rest of his family with his blonde hair, golden eyes, and pale skin. It was strange how the entire family had gold eyes when they weren't all related.

"Oh, hello Bella. I've heard a lot about you, all good I assure you," Dr. Cullen came forward to shake my hand with a smile.

"More like nonstop, disgustingly obsessive things." Rosalie unexpectedly entered with her arms folded across her chest in an obviously angry fashion. Emmett followed closely behind, with Jasper in tow seemingly reluctant to enter the room but pulled closer in by Alice.

"Rose, it hasn't been that bad. Little Eddie here can't help it if he doesn't know what to do with the pent up hormones that are finally being let loose." Edward glared at Emmett, who merely grinned like a maniac. "Oh, Eddie. Calm down and take a joke." He stepped past Rosalie to give me a big hug. "Nice to meet you, Bella." He stepped back. "I'm Emmett, of course, Eddie's favorite brother."

"Right. That's why he looks like he would like to murder you right now. We all know I'm the favorite brother." The quiet Jasper finally spoke up and smiled at me, but kept his distance by Alice's side.

I didn't know what to do or say. It was a little overwhelming to be the room with presences as big as these, but it felt oddly comforting too. The family was obviously very close with one another. They each had a distinct personality that shone through and it was almost blinding with the love behind it, as corny as that sounds.

"Hi. Nice to meet you all." I said shyly, looking back down to my plate which I just realized was empty. Esme also saw this and attempted to take it from me to clean.

"Oh no, please, let me. I appreciate the lovely meal and I would like to contribute by cleaning my own plate." Esme smiled lightly and I stood up from my seat.

"Rosalie, why don't you help Bella dry the dishes while we wait in the living room. Then we will all get to know each other better." Esme nodded at everyone and they all left leaving behind a perturbed blonde.

"You don't have to help. I like doing the dishes." I said weakly, trying not to make eye contact as I walked to the sink.

"Esme asked me to help, so I will." She said fiercely, grabbing a towel out of a nearby drawer.

Sighing, I filled the sink with warm water and soap and pushed up my sleeves.

The soapy plate slipped out of my hand onto the floor as Rosalie violently grabbed my arm and turned it to her. I had no clue what she was doing until I realized she was looking at my scars.

"What the hell is this?!" Her eyes darkened as Edward's had the first day I saw him and in fear I tried to step back but couldn't as she still had a strong grip on my arm. "Are you crazy? You cut yourself? What the hell could bother you so much you hurt yourself?" I was so embarrassed and trapped in Rosalie's glare I did not notice we had an audience until Edward stood beside me protectively.

"You have everything! You are young, you have the ability to live your life, have a family, grow old, be happy! You are so selfish! I cannot believe my brother is in love with such an inconsiderate idiot!" As she let go of me, I fell backwards in Edward's arms. Rosalie took one last disgusted look at me before she turned on her heels and ran out of the front door.

"Rose! Wait! Come back!" Emmett gave me a look of pity before he ran after his girlfriend. The shock of the situation quickly dissolved and the weight of what just happened fell on me. My angel held me close but it was not enough to stop the endless tears and shaking that overtook my body.

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Edward POV

When the waves break, and the soul shake

Wreckage from the night

On a mountain is a story

Told a thousand times

Of a garden, and a bed there

Made to rest our eyes

There's a comfort to a softness

That will not be denied

--- _Lady So Divine_, Shinedown

My angel continued to tremble in my arms even with all of Jasper's and my attempts to calm her. My family stood there for a few moments looking unsure of what to do until I motioned for them to give us some privacy.

I was still shocked to discover my Bella had been cutting herself. I knew from Alice's visions that she was depressed and could possibly take her life in the future, but I had no idea she was already hurting herself.

I couldn't help but berate myself for being too selfish to notice how much pain my love was in. How many times was I too enraptured in her beauty and intelligence to not notice she was hurting? I never smelt traces of blood from her wounds, but from the look of them it seemed they were healed aside from the scaring. I wondered how long had it been since she had last cut herself.

At the same time, I was furious at Rosalie. How dare she speak to Bella like that! I knew Rosalie was angry that Bella could possibly want to end her life when she had everything Rosalie wanted for herself, mostly the ability to have children. However, that could not excuse her actions. She told Bella I was in love with her! I wanted to be the one who told her that, much, much later. I could only hope Bella would not look too closely into what Rosalie said to her and I would deal with Rosalie later.

"Edward?" Bella called out sweetly to me, breaking my train of thought.

"Yes, Bella? I'm here." She did not say anything but turned to look into my eyes. Having her in my arms, looking at me with such sorrow, guilt, and awe made my dead heart contract with anguish. I knew at this moment that I wanted to share a part of my life with Bella.

"Bella, I'd like to take you somewhere that I like to go sometimes. That is, if you'd like to go with me." I said, suddenly shy and unsure. I did not want her to do anything she didn't want to do.

Her eyes lit up with curiosity and she nodded her head slowly. Though I longed to be able to keep her in my arms and run at my fastest speed to our destination, I knew I could not.

Slowly, I pulled her into a standing position and led her hand-in-hand to the meadow. Being with her, I did not even relish on the fact that I could not run. Time could stop for all I cared as long as it stopped with her beside me.

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Rosalie POV

Looking 'round for a different high in the land of the living,

Tryin' to free the bird inside this cage

---_Ariel, _Diane Birch

I left the house before I could do some serious damage to the selfish little girl standing all "tormented" in our kitchen. Carlisle would not have liked it if I killed a human. Besides, that was probably what she wanted. _Little 'Emo-girl' couldn't handle her "life" so she had to put herself in danger to get attention. In fact, that's probably why she is dating Edward! Even though she doesn't know what we are, she could probably sense the danger!_

I ran until I knew there weren't any humans in a five-mile radius and then tore down ten trees in my anger. I knew Emmett had followed me and had trying to give me some space before he spoke to me, but I wasn't ready to acknowledge his presence. I knew he would wait until I was ready. _My baby always knows how to take care of me._

I just don't understand this generation of children. When I was human and emo-girl's age, I was engaged to be married and excited to start my new life as an adult, wife, and hopefully mother. Being a mother was the highest honor for women at that time and I could not wait to join the ranks.

It wasn't only about the prestige though. My parents had a child nine years after I was born. With the age gap and a mother who was constantly busy with planning events and charities, I was there to take care of Lily, to give her encouragement, to be her friend, sister, and caregiver. I loved her dearly and still think of her often.

I could not wait to have a child of my own to raise. But then Royce, the devil in disguise, took any chance of that away from me. Killing Royce and the men who murdered me may have ended the possibility of them hurting another girl like me, but it did not give me back my humanity.

Thinking of what I lost and what I had gained enticed my urge to have Emmett's safe and loving arms around me. I only had to look up and hold out a hand before he sprinted to me in a second. Emmett was nothing like Royce. He was my only consolation in this half-life. More importantly, our love for each other made me feel a connection to the small bit of humanity that must exist in me for a love like this to be possible.

"Rosie," Emmett whispered. His breath on my ear made me shiver with exhilaration.

"Rosie," Emmett repeated softly but more firm. "Do you remember when I told you, not long after we first met, how I felt before you came along?"

I turned around to face him. Of course I remembered… I am a vampire and we don't have the ability to forget. He already knew this. I could only nod to him in confirmation. This was his story and I knew he needed to retell it to me.

"Then you remember that I told you I felt empty. Incomplete. In my human life, I had many girls who wanted to marry me and girls who just wanted to give themselves to me." I growled at the possibility, interrupting him. Only I could think of Emmett like that.

Emmett smirked, "But none of them held any interest for me. They were all dull and followed each other like sheep. They weren't stimulating. They weren't challenging. I've always liked a challenge. That's why I like hunting bears; even when I was a human I liked hunting. But I was still empty. When you came to save me, I thought you were an angel. You were so beautiful I knew I must have died and gone to heaven." Emmett paused and then stood up to face me.

"When the fire overtook me, all I could think of was your face. After the fire quenched and Carlisle explained what happened, you tried to keep your distance from me but I was persistent on seeing you. Remember that first day when I told you we were meant for each other?" I smiled, remembering his face. He seemed so sincere.

Emmett chuckled. "You laughed in my face and ran off into the forest. I followed you then and I follow you now. You were my challenge and today, you still give me that sense of trial and triumph. You test me, you stimulate me, and you keep me in check – which let's face it, is a big job and I'm sure Esme appreciates it. I love you Rosalie and I will keep on loving you and thanking my lucky stars that you love me too. There isn't a luckier man on earth."

I could not produce the tears that should have accompanied the happy sobs that raked through my body, but I could kiss my husband with as much passion and emotions as the tears would have been.

His lips flowed with mine and I was ready to take him there and now in the forest. Before I could get to that however, he stopped and stepped back. I gave him a confused stare and tried to not feel hurt. Emmett never stops the possibility of sex and surely he knew where it was going.

"Babe, we need to talk about this Bella thing. I know you are angry with her for hurting herself and I know you think she is just throwing away the chances that were taken away from you. As much as I agree that what she is doing is stupid, I understand why she did it, even if she doesn't yet. She's as empty as I was."

I looked up at my husband astonished. When did my husband become so intuitive?

"How can you tell?" I asked in disbelief.

"I see the same look in her eyes that I had when I first met you. I may not have Jasper's ability but I can recognize that feeling of new hope. I believe Edward is slowly filling the void she has felt and didn't know how to deal with."

"No! She and Edward can't be together!" I turned around as to not face Emmett in my anger. Bringing a human into our world could destroy us.

"Rosie…" He lay his hand softly on my shoulder. "Falling in love with a vegetarian vampire isn't the worst thing in the world." I heard him chuckle lightly. "I mean hey, it worked for me, right?"

I turned to face him again. "Yes, but you were already dying. She has the choice. She can marry a human, have children, and grow old."

Emmett grabbed my face and pulled it upward. "Maybe she knows what she will gain is more important to her than those things. I know for me, I would love to have a family with little kids running all over the place and a little Emmett Jr. begging me to take him with me hunting." I laughed softly at the image. "But if I can't do it with you, I wouldn't want it."

I sighed and relented slightly. "I wouldn't want it without you either."

"So, do you think you could calm down around Bella now? I think our brother is in love and I'd hate for him to kick us out because you can't play nice with his girlfriend," he teased.

I scrunched my face up in reply. I knew his argument made sense but I was not ready to admit that to anyone. Besides, emo-girl still needed to make a lot more progress before I could agree that she was in the same situation as Emmett. "Whatever. I'm not going to apologize. I still think she is an idiot… but I guess I can keep that to myself."

"That is all I ask." Emmett smiled widely and pulled me into his arms. "Now… I believe we were in the middle of something before this conversation." He wiggled his eyebrows.

This forest was going to lose a few more trees before the night was over.

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A/N: I would like to defend a few things: 1.) I wanted Emmett to be smart and mature, but he also has a childish side to him as shown with his teasing to Edward. 2.) I don't think Rosalie is evil, she just doesn't trust people and their judgment and her vanity sometimes makes her too self-centered to see someone's nature. But Emmett is always there to rein her in, just as she does to him. I've always admired this in their relationship.

Anyways, please let me know what you think and thank you for reading!

Ab


	10. Chapter 9: Revelations

A/N: Hey guys! So I finally got to the chapter I've been hoping to get to for a while now… It surprises me how short it is, but it's how I saw it. I hope you like it.

I want to thank my new temp beta, **Lady Draco Violet**, and send well wishes to **Not Dead Yet** who still rocks but is busy with reality. I got some really great writing tips from Lady Draco Violet that I hope to implement more fully in the next chapter.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight while I simply own too many pairs of shoes.

Chapter 9: Revelations

Edward POV:

I'm wishing the bath water clean

She hides in the back and is unseen

I take off the mask that surrounds me

Look me in the face

What do you see?

--_Angel,_ Blue October

Her tear stained face lit up with beauty and wonderment as we entered the meadow. I knew at once the meadow had captured her heart as it had mine when I first came upon it.

It hadn't changed much since the first time we lived in Forks. The same large circle of green grass lay there with the flowers of purples, pinks, yellows, and reds surrounded it. The steady breeze danced in sync with the flowers, enhancing the sense of life in the earth. The ancient trees loomed up to the heavens, protecting its visitors from the world while their trunks stood strong. Animals, sensing my presence, had made themselves scarce, making the quiet peaceful and warming.

As a vampire, it would be too cliché to speak of magic, but this place was truly the epitome of Earth's beauty, as was my Bella.

She took a few steps forward though still holding onto my hand. With her eyes wide with amazement, her lips formed the echo of a smile.

"This place should be a dream. It just figures…" Bella stopped slowly, looking down at her feet. She always did that when she was embarrassed.

Putting a finger at her chin to gently pull it upwards, I said, "What do you mean by that?"

With more conviction than I have ever seen from Bella she spoke, "Well, it just figures the man of my dreams would bring me here." She smiled softly, blushing yet again.

My heart soared. How this girl viewed me was ludicrous, but I couldn't help my emotions from trying to escape. Rather than falling into my urge to pull her into a passionate kiss – because I'm sure the way to tell her I love her is not to kill her – I put my hand to her cheek instead.

Hearing the increase in her heartbeat, I used this opportunity to look at her arms myself. Slowly and softly, I pushed up her right and left sleeves. The scars were there, taunting me with their presence. How did I miss them? Each one held the story of her sorrow, but I had yet to read them. How many times did I see Bella and miss these neon signs of

She started shaking, probably from fear of judgment from me. I did not think less of her for her self-mutilation, I could never, but was only angry with myself for not being there for her. Without thinking, I lowered my face to her arm, gently touching my lips to her wounds and then to her other arm. The urge to drink from the pulsating blood beneath the skin was not the most prevalent thought in my mind; I only thought of my wounded angel in pain and desired to give her any kind of comfort.

Hearing Bella's sharp intake of breath after a long pause of not breathing, I quickly took myself away from her.

"I am sorry. I don't know what came over me. I apologize for being so forward." Shame and guilt spread through me as I looked forward into nothingness.

It was quiet but for the sound of Bella's erratically beating heart for many seconds and I wondered if she was finally repulsed by the monster that I am. I often wondered how long it would take her to run away from me and it looked as though that moment would be now. My dead heart felt like it would shatter into a million pieces at the loss of my Bella. What had I done?

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Bella POV:

Something's missing

And I don't know how to fix it

Something's missing

And I don't know what it is

At all

--- _Something's Missing_, John Mayer

_He kissed me! He kissed me! He kissed ME!!_ Yes, it was only on my arms but I couldn't help but let it ruminate in my mind. It was, by far, the most intimate experience in my life and I was shocked into silence and stillness. I felt the loss of his presence and though I longed to go to his side and tell him how wrong he was to apologize, I couldn't.

I took a few moments to gather my wits before I looked to where he stood. I let my body's instincts take over as I walked and stood before him again. Taking his hand up slowly, I brought it to my lips. It must have been the magic of the meadow giving me the courage to be so bold, but I couldn't help myself from telling him.

"Anytime," I said softly. "I am yours."

His eyes filled with amazement and confusion and he looked into mine as though he wanted to protest, but I silenced him with my hand to his lips.

"I need to tell you something, Edward." Giving him a serious look, I turned to sit on a nearby rock. He kneeled by me to listen while I took in a deep and shaky breath.

"I know that you are different. There is something about your whole family. You are all so beautiful and perfect and you all seem like you are from another time. The way Rosalie spoke to me, it was like she didn't have things that I have, though it seems she has anything she could ever want." I took another deep breath remembering Rosalie's anger. I knew I'd have to talk with her later.

"Alice and Jasper and Rosalie and Emmett seem as though they have been in long-term relationships together, but how could they be if they are still so young? You all move with an unworldly grace and I have never seen any of you eat. I don't know what it is… but I just have this feeling like you all have these secret identities."

Edward was quiet, but I could not look at him while I said these things. I was scared he would finally think I was crazy and leave me. Already, I knew I would not be able to handle that if it happened, but he needed to know what I was feeling.

"Despite that I don't know who all of you really are, I can't help but feel connected to each of you – even Rosalie – but especially you. There has been this void in my life for such a long time. I didn't know what I was missing. But being here with you and your family, I know exactly what I was missing… and I don't want to lose you. It hasn't been that long since we met, and I know there is something that isn't being said, but… I love you, Edward. " My last words came out so quietly I wasn't sure he had heard me. He was still silent and I couldn't bring myself to see his reaction. The tears I didn't even know I had were running down my cheeks.

Before I could register what was happening, I was in my Edward's arms, his lips on mine. My heart threatened to hammer clean out of my chest with happiness. Nearly paralyzed with the depth of my love for him, I could do nothing but hold him close to me and kiss him, throwing every ounce of the love I felt for him into it. Time could pass and life on Earth could be extinguished, but I would never want to end this moment.

However, there was a small part of my mind that knew that like all dreams, this one too would end. But in this moment with Edward's lips moving in sync with mine, the negative thoughts were erased and I allowed myself to melt into my love.

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Esme POV:

Cause everybody needs someone sometime

Everybody needs someone, can't you see?

---_Everyone Needs Someone Sometimes,_ Jewel

I couldn't stop thinking about Bella after she and Edward left the house. I already thought of her as a daughter and for my daughter to hurt herself… well, it hurt me too.

In fact, the entire family was feeling the pain. My poor Rosalie felt it the most because she could relate to Bella. No matter how much Rosalie would probably deny it, she and Bella have a lot in common. They are both strong, beautiful, and deeply affected by others – though both try not to show it. I remember when Rosalie first joined our family. The same downtrodden vibe that exuded from Bella plagued Rosalie's soul before Emmett joined our family. I hope that Bella, like Rose, will find comfort in our family.

Of course, Carlisle saw Bella's situation with the eyes of a doctor and went straight to his study to make a list of antidepressants that would be best for Bella, if she should choose to take any. I do not think Bella needs antidepressants, but then again, I am not a doctor.

Jasper took to comforting Alice, who was crushed that she didn't see this happening. Of course it wasn't her fault that Rosalie didn't make the decision to say something until Bella decided to do the dishes. My Alice always shouldered much more burden than should be allowed. I could only be thankful that she had Jasper who could take away her burden in more ways than one. Likewise, she gave him more happiness than he could get from anyone. They were perfect for one another and I was so grateful that they were a part of our loving family.

Bella as Edward's mate only increased the love in our family and made me happier than I imagined I could be. I always knew there was someone out there for my Edward. He had waited so long to find his mate, but I knew Bella was worth it.

Reflecting upon Bella further, I remembered that her mother wasn't really in her life anymore, which only increased the pull on my heartstrings. I knew I needed to do something for Bella that would make her feel like she wasn't alone and had the support of family.

Just as that thought passed my mind, Alice was running down the stairs and straight toward me for a tight embrace.

"Oh Esme! That's perfect!" She jumped up and down excitedly.

Confused I asked, "Honey, what's perfect? I haven't planned anything." That girl ruined surprises before they were even organized.

"You will. We are going to have a girl's night with Bella! This is going to be so much fun!" Alice then began to spout off a list of events that would occur on our girl's night.

I briefly wondered if Rosalie would join us after the tiff she and Bella had earlier. Making a mental note to speak to my daughter when she returned home, I thought about the best way to approach Rosalie. She should apologize to Bella for her rudeness, though I knew it wasn't for malicious reasons.

Alice stopped her planning midsentence. "Don't worry about Rosalie. I believe Bella will surprise us all tonight." Her eyes mischievously sparkled with her secret.

"Tonight, Alice? Won't Charlie need more time to allow Bella to sleep over here?"

"No. If you call him in a half hour, he will be watching a football game and will be more than willing to let Bella sleep over at her new best friend's house. Now, Jasper and I will go into town and get a few things we are going to need tonight. This is going to be so much fun!"

Giving me another quick embrace, Alice skipped to the door where Jasper stood waiting like the dutiful husband. I didn't know what was going to happen, but if Alice was so confident I could do nothing but trust her. I only hoped Rosalie would be as optimistic.

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A/N: Yeah, um… so let me know what y'all think? I credit Lady Draco Violet with the last few lines in Bella's POV. Thanks again!


	11. Chapter 10: A Very Cullen Sleepover

A/N: This chapter is heavily packed with life-changing events for Bella. I'm a bit nervous for her and myself. I hope you enjoy it. This is my longest chapter yet. I only hope I can keep up to this new standard.

Thanks to my beta **Lady Draco Violet** for all her help with this chapter and the last. She is doing an awesome job and contributed so much to this chapter.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own a leather couch even though I'm vegetarian. Yes, I see the hypocrisy.

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Chapter Ten: A Very Cullen Sleepover

Bella POV:

All through the night I'll be watching over you

And all through the night I'll be standing over you

And through bad dreams I'll be right there baby

Telling you everything's going to be alright

When you cry I'll be there baby

Telling you were never nothing less than beautiful

So don't you worry,

I'm your Angel standing by

---_Angel Standing By_, Jewel

Walking back to the Cullen house hand-in-hand with Edward, I felt more at ease than I could ever remember being. It was like getting a full day massage; my limbs were weightless and all the tension in my body had vanished.

After our kiss in the meadow, Edward and I simply lay silently and comfortably in each other's arms until the sun began to set. Edward's whole body strangely felt as hard and cold as marble but it did not bother me. Knowing it was him behind the marble excited me to my very core.

Oddly enough, the silence didn't bother me either. Usually I couldn't stand the silence because it allows me to think about all the negative things in my life, but being here with Edward I could only think of the positives. Well, one positive in particular.

As we got closer to the house, I suddenly wondered if it was appropriate that Edward and I were holding hands. What would his family think of us? I didn't want Esme and Carlisle to think we did anything improper in the meadow. I blushed and pulled my hand from his at the thought.

Edward turned to look at me with a look I did not fully understand… hurt maybe? But it did not last long before he turned his head back to the house and sighed. Before I could ask what was bothering him though, Alice was running down the stairs with her usual earsplitting screams of excitement.

"Bella!!! Esme called Charlie and you get to stay here for a sleepover! I hope you don't mind, but I had a hunch you wouldn't. We are going to have so much fun!" Again, Alice leaned in for a hug. I was starting to think I was in an episode of Full House with all of the hugging in this family.

I turned my head to catch Edward's expression but he was already walking through the door. Trying not to look hurt, I gave a half-smile to Alice's excitement.

"Don't worry about Edward. He's just a stick in the mud and would rather stay here than go camping tonight with the boys. We girls are staying here and are going to get to know each other better. Ooh! You must let me and Rose play around with your hair. It'll be gorgeous!"

Together, we walked to the open garage where Jasper and Emmett were putting camping gear into the jeep. It must be a tradition for them because they looked as though they knew exactly what they were doing.

"Hey, Bella!" Emmett playfully ruffled my hair with familiarity. "Are you going to miss us while we men take on nature? Or maybe just Edward?" Blushing, I looked to Alice for relief who was preoccupied with saying goodbye to Jasper. "Don't worry. I'm sure Eddie will miss you more," he taunted.

Coming from behind me, I heard Edward grumble, "Don't call me Eddie. And leave Bella alone." I turned to face Edward who was standing like a boy whose parents told him to stop playing with his toys and go to bed. "I don't really want to go but Carlisle said the guys needed to have some bonding time while the girls have theirs." He shrugged in defeat. "We won't be back until Sunday but I'll call you tonight before you go to sleep."

Excited at his obvious reluctance to leave me and his desire to call me tonight, I smiled brightly at him and kissed him on the cheek. I forgot that his family was behind me until Emmett whistled. "Ow! Jasper! Why'd ya hit me for?"

Jasper smirked. "So Edward won't have to."

Embarrassed again and bright red, I gave Edward a quick side hug and stepped back from the jeep so they could leave. Edward held my gaze from inside the car until they had gone too far away for me to see his face anymore. I tried to not be sad, but the loss of his presence weighed heavily on my heart, threatening to crush it with pressure.

Recalling Alice's presence when she sighed deeply, I turned to see her standing much like I was with a saddened look on her face.

"It's always hard when Jasper leaves."

I nodded with comprehension. Before I could blink an eye though, Alice had resumed her perky demeanor.

"But having the sleepover will make me feel a lot better!"

Giving her a skeptical look, I asked quickly, "Is it such a good idea for me stay the night? What about Rosalie? Doesn't she hate me? I don't want to upset her further with my presence." Rosalie reminded me of an Amazon with blonde hair. Her beauty was a weapon, which she could strongly wield and force a crowd to its knees. Remembering how her eyes shifted from calming gold to a fierce black when she yelled at me, I shuddered. No, I definitely did not want to upset her further.

Alice scoffed and without a moment's pause, pulled me through the side door into the kitchen where Esme was putting something in the oven.

"I'm so glad you are staying with us tonight, Bella." Esme leaned into me for a hug, while Alice escaped to some unknown location.

Esme's hugs, as well as Alice's, felt strange to me because I was not used to such physical contact in my family. Now that I was getting used to the contact, I was really beginning to appreciate them. It was weird how a simple hug could make you feel so safe and loved.

"Thank you for having me, Esme." I said softly. "I am so sorry about the thing with Rosalie today."

"Honey, what happened between you and Rosalie was not your fault. I am a bit upset with Rose for acting like she did, but on the other hand, I can't help but be grateful that she found out about your actions." Esme motioned for me to sit at the kitchen table with her.

Feeling ashamed and embarrassed, I did not know what to say. Unconsciously, I stared at my covered arms that lay on the table, knowing the scars that lay underneath the thin layer of cloth.

Luckily, I did not have to speak. Esme put her hands on mine, bringing my gaze to match hers. "Bella, if you ever want to talk, I am here for you. I don't know if Edward has told you much about me, and this may not be the time to discuss it, but please know I understand your pain. I know what the emptiness feels like and it's a hard thing to go through alone. Please, don't hesitate to talk with me about anything. Anything." She emphasized the last part with conviction.

The tears threatened to pour down my face but I held them back so I wouldn't make a scene. Standing up from the table, I moved to initiate the hug. Esme had just given me the best gift I could receive right now – a mother figure. Even my own mother couldn't fill that role, but this beautiful woman I was holding on to tightly warmed my heart with her maternal actions within mere days of knowing her.

"Thank you, Esme. Thank you so much." Pulling away, I involuntarily sniffled and swallowed the lumped that formed in my throat. "I'd love to talk with you sometime. But I think I need to speak with Rosalie first."

With eyes free of tears but full of love, Esme nodded. "Of course, dear. She is in her room, so just go on up. It's the second room on the left. When you are finished, dinner will be here waiting for you." Giving me a smile, she motioned toward the stairs.

Taking each step slowly, I thought of what I was going to say to her. I had no idea. I knocked softly on her door, praying she couldn't hear me and I would have to go back downstairs.

Unfortunately, she did open the door and simply stood silently before me for what seemed like minutes. Finally, she motioned for me to come in. Her room was beautiful with a large canopy bed, plush red silk comforter, and numerous pillows; the dark mahogany furniture, and large flat screen T.V. hanging on the wall.

Surprisingly, it looked like a man lived here too with a man's watch at the bedside and a man's shirt on the floor in the bathroom. I knew it must be Emmett but wondered how that worked out exactly. They were practically like husband and wife! Shaking the thought out of my head, I remembered why I was there.

I stood awkwardly in the middle of the room while Rosalie sat at the chaise I didn't see before. She looked at me expectantly with irritation, which only made me even more nervous.

"Well? I'm not going to apologize if that's what you came here for," she said defiantly, staring at me hard.

"No… no…" I stuttered. Taking a deep breath, I mustered up the courage I needed while looking to the ground. "I came here to apologize. I'm sorry my actions made you so upset though I cannot explain to you why I cut myself, besides that I felt I needed to at the time…I can tell you I won't do it anymore."

I heard light laughter causing me to hastily lift my head in her direction. "Let me get this straight," she started. "_You_ are apologizing to _me_ because _you_ hurt _yourself_?"

Slowly, I nodded.

With another burst of laughter, Rosalie stood up and walked toward me. I took a step back in response. "You are such an idiot. Don't apologize to me. Make up with yourself because that's who you are hurting." A spark of anger went through me with her rude remark.

"Really? Cause it seemed to me like you were hurting right along with me down there. I may be going through a hard time right now, and I may be doing some things that are not good for me, but I am not an idiot. I see you." I gave her a look of triumph.

"What the hell does that mean?" She sneered leaning in closer to my face.

"I see you. Behind that beauty lays the same pain I feel. I'm not sure why though. You have this amazing family and, as it seems, a guy who is completely in love with you. You have everything. Like you, I don't understand why you are hurting, but you cannot think less of me without thinking less of yourself." The anger evaporated at the end of my little speech, leaving only more nervousness and shame at my actions. Where did these words come from?

Her face scrunched in pain and she took a step away from me. Not knowing what to do, I sat on the floor, my back on the bed. In response, Rosalie sat in front of me with a new look on her face.

"You're right." She whispered, almost too low for me to hear. To say I was shocked would not begin to cover it. "I still think you have issues, but maybe you aren't a complete idiot. There are things that I wish I could have in my life, things I can't really explain, but you're right… I love my family. That's why I don't want to see them hurt by your self-hatred. I do feel pain like you, but at least I'm not self-destructive." Her tone wasn't as malevolent as before, but still held with rigidity.

"I am not self-destructive…" Rosalie narrowed her eyes at my retaliation . "Anymore, I mean," I recovered quickly. "Those scars are what they are, marking my past, not my present. I really believe I am on the path toward something good. Please don't slow my progression with your judgment." Her eyes softened slightly. Knowing she understood more now, I took another shaky breath and continued, "Thank you, Rosalie, for saying those things to me in the kitchen. I needed to hear them and so did the rest of your family. I hope now that the truth about my condition is out there, I can find someway to get past it."

Finished with my defense, I remained still and quiet for the verdict. Again, Rosalie let out an annoyed breath, though I had no idea what for, and I braced myself for the worst. Unexpectedly, Rosalie brought her topaz eyes to meet mine. "I hope so too." Letting out the breath I didn't know I was holding, I felt the small relief that comes with conflict resolution. I knew Rosalie wasn't completely okay with me now, but hopefully she would give me an easier time.

We didn't hug like I did with Esme or Alice, but just looking at each other without malice, I knew we were on better terms.

"Bella, you'll find out quickly I do not hesitate to expose the truth, so you might as well just get over that." She gave me a half-hearted smile. "But, I will try not to be such a bitch to you. I can't promise anything though."

Nodding to show I understood, I thanked her with a small smile and left the room without another word. I didn't want to push my luck. Already my night was proving to be very interesting.

The casserole that Esme cooked was amazing as usual and, as usual, I was the only one to eat any of it. I was beginning to wonder if anyone around here ever ate.

The night looked like it was going to be as fun as Alice said it would be. After dinner, we put in _An Affair to Remember_ and painted each other's nails while cooing at the romantic gestures of the movie. Rosalie didn't engage herself with the rest of us much of the night, but she didn't seem angry or annoyed at me either, which I took to be a positive.

I had never been interested in all the girly stuff that we were doing, but somehow with this family, it seemed natural. Esme painted my nails a bright pink, asserting my need for more excitement in my life, while I painted Alice's black figuring it was a color she wouldn't normally wear. Surprisingly, she liked it and said it looked classy. Of course, I was sure Alice could apply enthusiasm to anything.

We chatted and gossiped with an energy I didn't know I had in me. Normally it was hard enough for me to get out of bed for the day, but I wasn't tired in the least. I learned all about the high school drama that happened before I moved into town.

Apparently, Lauren and Eric were caught under the gym bleachers making out and then Eric let it spread that Lauren had terrible dog breath. I couldn't help but smirk with vindication at that knowledge, yet still felt sorry for Lauren. Even though she spread those vicious rumors about me, I knew that she probably did it to take away some of the negative attention from her. Knowing that, I couldn't help but pity her as much as I disliked her.

I eventually relented and allowed Alice and Rosalie to do my hair while Esme stood to the side clearly enjoying watching her daughters having fun. I think she even pulled out a camera at some point. Again, Rosalie kept quiet but did give her opinion on what my hair should look like. The result of their hour-long toil was totally worth it as I saw how beautiful my hair could actually be.

Normally, I just let my hair hang naturally, sometimes without even pulling a brush through it because I use so much conditioner, but they curled all of my hair so that it bounced with every step I took. I looked like I belonged in a Pantene commercial. I briefly wondered what Edward would think of my new makeover.

Edward seemed to be the topic of much of the night as they took turns telling me stories about him. I learned that he was a great musician and everyone made fun of him for acting the sulking artist in his room all the time. Esme made a point of telling me that Edward looked happier lately than she has ever seen him. I couldn't help but smile at that, knowing I felt the same way.

"Edward is a very complex person and he always seemed bored with everyone I tried to set him up with. I was certain he would never find someone to connect with outside this family." I noticed Esme skirted around any romantic associations between Edward and me. She was probably concerned I would be embarrassed, which was true.

Smiling at my attentive disposition, Esme continued to talk about her son with pride. "Nowadays he comes home with a smile on his face and is more playful with his siblings. He is even less irritated with Emmett lately. I know this is because of you, my dear." Esme beamed with happiness, as did Alice, awaiting for some response from me. Rosalie merely rolled her eyes and turned her attention to the T.V.

I blushed and smiled knowing he had the same effect on me. Ever since I met Edward, just thinking about him put a stupid smile on my face and joy in my heart. _If a flower bloomed every time I thought of him, I would have a garden. _I choked back a laugh at my corny thoughts, which only proved my point. Edward brings light to my darkness. Of course, I was not ready to tell his mother and sisters that private information.

In an attempt to take the attention off me, I asked Alice to tell me more about Jasper, since he seemed to keep his distance from me. When I voiced my concern, Alice hurried to explain that Jasper really did like me, he just didn't know how to act in front of people who weren't family members. She assured me that he would feel more comfortable in time.

Seeing her sigh with happiness at the thought of Jasper, I begged her to continue to tell me about him. I was really interested in what her relationship was with him, and between Emmett and Rosalie for that matter.

"Jasper is… the most amazing man I have ever met. He is intelligent, strong, and loving. He cares so much about this family and can calm any situation. We are so different in temperament, as you probably have noticed, but it works for us." Alice's eyes were clouded in bliss as she continued. "Together, we are able to bring each other emotional equilibrium. I could not have married a more perfect man."

_Aha! They are married!_ My thoughts were in a whirlwind with this new information. At the same time, I heard an animalistic hiss from Rosalie who sat by a cleary shocked Esme. They were both staring at Alice in disbelief. Equally shocked, Alice was as still as a statue with her hand covering her mouth, obviously dismayed she released some secret. I quickly went to reassure them.

"Wow, married. That's so great! Is that legal? How long have you been married?" I asked with enthusiasm. Alice looked down, playing with the hem of her pajama bottoms and murmured something along the lines of "a while."

Turning to Rosalie's shocked disposition, I asked the million-dollar question. "Are you and Emmett married too? You two share a bedroom, right?" Looking even more uncomfortable, Rosalie nodded in affirmation.

I didn't know what else to say to cut through the awkward silence that had engulfed us. Obviously, they had just let very valuable information slip. I could get past that they were supposed to be siblings because they were all adopted, but I didn't understand how they could be married for "a while" when Alice was only seventeen.

I was so concentrated with my thoughts, I barely realized that Alice talking with Esme and Rosalie in a hushed and hurried voice. Rosalie looked as though she wanted to yell at Alice, but Esme kept a calming hand on her knee. Instead, Rosalie shot daggers with her eyes and whispered with curtness. On her end, Alice seemed to be arguing some point and asserting the need for something. She looked like a lawyer presenting her case. They were talking to low for me to understand completely, but I caught words like "will find out," "better I tell her," and something about Edward. I wondered how long I was supposed to sit there without them acknowledging my presence and debated leaving the room to give them privacy,

Instead, utterly confused, I pulled my knees to my chest and waited for them to clue me in on what was happening.

When they finished with their whispering, they each had a different emotion on their face. For Rosalie, it was an anger I am sure could produce fire; For Esme, it was a look of hope and concern; and for Alice, well...excitement seems to be the norm for her. I was just glad she seemed to be out of the state of shock she was in earlier.

"Bella, I didn't know this was going to happen tonight… I apparently lost control of myself a bit talking about Jasper. That happens sometimes," she tried to explain, laughing lightly.

I stopped her to assure her. "I don't care if the two of you are married. If you're happy and in love, who am I to judge?"

Alice smiled with obvious relief. "I'm glad to hear you say that. But this goes way beyond that. Because I opened my mouth, you are on the path of finding out our secret. As it is right now, you are going to go home tomorrow and research what you know about us on your computer. What you will find will shock you so much you will do something stupid to prove what you find and let's just say Edward would really not appreciate it." Again, I was confused. How would she know I was planning on doing research on them?

"Even though Edward is going to be really angry with me, I think it would be best if we just told you our secret. I hope you react like I think you will." The last part she said a little more quietly. Coming closer to me, she put her hand on mine.

"Bella, you've already noticed we are different from other people." Uncertain if that was a question, I remained silent.

Looking as though they were bracing themselves for an explosion, Rosalie and Esme stared wide-eyed at the two of us. Alice seemed shaky, uncertain with continuing. Finally, she pulled the trigger.

"We are vampires, Bella."

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A/N: So…. What'd ya think?


End file.
